There's No Place Like (This) Home!

This entry is way off-topic, but I hope you'll enjoy it. It offers a glimpse...a "tour" if you will...of our zany home. Why am I posting this?

Partly it's because I'm having the spiritual version of "Writer's Block." I simply haven't been able to write anything that felt like the Spirit was involved. And our current theme, tackling such weighty subjects as false assurance, the modern (distorted) gospel, and the problems of the modern church, is simply not something I should attempt without His help. I promise, I'll get back into the series as soon as the Spirit touches my soul and my fingers again. (Your prayers are appreciated!)

Secondly, I just read a delightful entry from Lynette Kraft, called "The Blessings of an Ugly Kitchen." It inspired me to post this little "tour," which I originally wrote as an entry in the FaithWriters Weekly Challenge. So without further ado, here's:

There's No Place Like (This) Home!

Come on in! Don't take off your shoes. We're not fastidious around here.

The rest of the family isn't home right now. If they were, you'd soon discover that one of the main features of our home is NOISE!

My oldest son has Asperger's Syndrome, and he's sometimes hyperactive. He's also unable to monitor and control the loudness of his voice, so everything comes out at deafening volumes. And my second son, who's autistic, can imitate an amazing array of phone sounds. He'll do that endlessly. He's also bipolar, so if he's on either of his extremes, he'll be extra loud. He'll either laugh hysterically about everything while bouncing up and down and trilling with his tongue and flapping his hands, OR he'll scream about everything. We never know how he'll be. We just take him as he comes. Our third son has learned to be loud just to make himself heard above the din. But since they're not here, let's start our tour.

This is my Living Room.

The recliners used to be white. Can you believe we let the sales lady convince us that this fabric was easy to clean? Let me at least throw this blanket over the chair. Yes, I crocheted that myself, thanks.

Ah, you're curious about the writing on the La-Z-Boy. Well, my autistic son is not so much into writing on things now, but years ago no surface was safe. Don't ask me why he decided to write "Shoot Gun" in bright orange marker right next to the lever that makes the chair recline. We've quit trying to figure him out. The writing's been there for years. The stain on the footrest is from some goo-filled toy that the kids threw years ago. It exploded its orange guts everywhere. Did I mention we used to have white carpeting?

Here's the hall and bath.

Don't mind the gazillion scratches on every door frame. The cat likes to jump up as high as he can and then slide down.

Ignore the written cleaning instructions taped to the bathroom wall. The kids certainly do.

This door leads to the basement. I'll open it and show you just one quick view. See the wall at the bottom of the stairs? The huge letters that say "Diet Pepsi, Caffeine Free?" Guess who wrote that. Yep. But we're NOT going down there. You don't want to see the rest.


Here's the Family Room.

We could kick our way through all the toys on the floor, move the junk off of the furniture, and sit down to chat. But why don't we finish the tour first?

In case you're wondering about all the telephones you see around here, well...they're for my autistic son. People sometimes give him their old phones, and he knows every intimate detail of each one. He uses their intercoms to make them ring a lot. It's noisy, but at least they're not hooked to the phone lines.


Here's the kitchen.

I haven't had time to wash the dishes yet, but dinner's in the slow cooker. Bread's in the bread machine, too. Who needs fancy sprays to make the house smell good?

On to the Dining Room.

The china cabinet holds my wedding china and the kids' ceramic creations. Let's see...there's a penguin, a green gnome with his pet rat, an elephant, and a huge blue face.

Now we've come back to the Living Room, so let's go upstairs.

This is the master bedroom and bath.

Nothing of interest here, except for the stamp marks on the wall. Don't be shy...go ahead and read them. They say, "Deposit Only." My husband used to be the treasurer for the Gideons Camp, and our son got a hold of this stamp and decorated our bedroom. That ink doesn't come off of walls very well. Fortunately it came off of the cat after only a couple of days. We weren't sure how the bank would have responded if we'd tried to deposit him.

The only other rooms up here are the kids' bedrooms and bathroom. I'll spare you that part of the tour.

You're right. We don't have a decorating scheme, or a color scheme. On a few exceptionally good days I've actually thought about having schemes. Does that count?

Anyway, this is our home! I'm so glad you could drop by. We've been working hard lately, and the house looks so much better than it used to!

*****

(Yes, it's all true, except that my husband has painted over the "Diet Pepsi" on the wall...)