I Would Spare You Regret

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I know I've written about this sort of thing before, but it's been a few years, and I need the review myself.

I would spare you my regrets.

My greatest regrets have come from the times when I've traded away love, or joy, or obedience, or humility, or hope, or trust.  And what have I usually traded them for?

Control.  The power to make something unpleasant stop, or to make something pleasant start.  

But as hard as it is for us to believe in the midst of painful, scary, or frustrating situations, the fact is that the fruits and gifts of the Spirit are worth infinitely more than control (or the illusion of control).

Love, obedience, joy and all the rest... these were purchased for us at the cost of the unimaginable agonies of Calvary. What will you and I trade those things for? How cheaply will you and I sell them off today... maybe even this hour?

God forbid!

Whenever you are reading this, please stop and pray.  Thank the Lord for His peace, love, hope, joy, and all the rest.  And prayerfully determine, by His grace, that in this hour you will not trade away so cheaply what He purchased with His blood.  Purpose not to attempt this in your own strength (that's impossible), but to be mindful of what's at stake, and to prayerfully cling to Him in whatever the hour may bring.

And then, the next hour, do it again by His grace.

The following suggestion will not apply to everyone. But in my own case I've found it helpful to install an app* on my phone that makes a little noise at the top of every hour. (I have it set not to disturb me during sleeping hours.) I use that little noise as a reminder to thank the Lord for the previous hour, and to confess any sins committed. I acknowledge His lordship over the coming hour, and my responsibility to honor and obey Him in it.  And so, when I fall into bed at the end of the day, I don't find myself struggling to orient my heart to Him, as I would if I'd ignored Him all day in favor of pursuing my own agendas.

And I come to Him without regrets.

I emphatically do NOT recommend such hourly reminders for anyone who would find them unpleasant. No one likes to be nagged. But if such a reminder would be a pleasure and a help to your heart, as it is to mine, then go for it!

But whatever you do, don't trade away priceless gifts for things which will only leave you sorry.

*There are many such apps available.  This happens to be the one I use.

When a Disliked Verse Becomes Beautiful

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"Save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh."  (Jude 1:23)

Clearly this verse, when viewed in its context, is talking about doing something good for sinners.  And we can easily recognize that the first part of the verse mirrors the kindness that the angels showed to Lot in Gen 19:16.  But what on earth is that "with fear" and "hating clothes" thing supposed to mean?

I always disliked the latter portion of this verse.  It made me picture a sneering guy in priestly garb, his nostrils flared with disgust while doing whatever charitable deed he felt forced to do.  If this "mercy-giver" had to touch the recipient of his "kindness," he'd do so with as few fingers as possible, and with an expression of nausea on his face.

But whether I like it or not, this verse says, "hate even their clothes."  So I have to be the arrogant jerk described above, because that's what it says, right?

Or is that what it really says?

Thanks in part to the wonderful Biblehub.com website, which allows laymen to study Biblical words in their original languages, I was able to learn that this verse is, in fact, beautiful.  It is a command to walk in humble love and mercy toward others when they sin, knowing that we're sinners ourselves.  But in order to understand that, we have to get a handle on some fundamentals here.  Namely, we must understand:

1.  Why the fear and hatred?
2.  What is the proper spirit of this hatred and fear?
2.  What do the clothes represent?

First of all, it's important to note that "show mercy" is a command, but unlike what I had assumed for years, the word "hating" is not!  (It looks like it could be a command in the English, but in the original Greek it's quite clear that it's not.) "Hating" in this sentence is a simple statement of the emotional condition that you're in while you're being negatively affected by something.  In this case the negative is the idea of "staining" or "contamination."

Okay, but isn't "hating clothes" a weird way to talk about our reaction to sinners?  Not to the First-Century Jewish writer and his audience!  Back in Leviticus 15, the Jews were taught the laws regarding items, including clothing, which were contaminated by contact with an unclean person.  Those items had to be dealt with in ways that sometimes seem drastic to modern readers.  And these laws were deeply ingrained into the Jewish psyche and way of life.

God's reasons for such laws were multifaceted.  He taught the people the basics of quarantining and hygiene, millennia before germ theory ever entered the human mind.  But he also taught them a strong loathing for sin by equating sin with uncleanness.  Don't miss that.  In the Bible, sin is uncleanness.

Back to our verse in Jude.  The hatred here is not primarily for the clothes.  The focus is on the uncleanness.  It's about hating uncleanness so much that you hate even clothes which have become contaminated.  And hatred for uncleanness (sin) is commanded all throughout the Bible.  It's the right thing to feel.

Yes, as distasteful as this fact sounds to modern ears, sin is offensive.  It is offensive to our holy God, and when it affects us, it offends us, too.  If we're honest, we have to admit that the sins we excuse when they're done by us, really bug us when they're done to us.

The Bible makes it clear that we're to hate sin.  And the Bible also makes it clear that it's impossible to truly love our neighbor and remain indifferent to the sin that is destroying his soul.  If our own souls have tasted the sweetness of undeserved mercy and salvation, how can we not hate the sin that destroys our neighbor?  Hating sin is part of loving our neighbor, no matter what the modern mantra of tolerance says.

It's also important to understand that, in Jewish ceremonial laws, when a clean thing comes into contact with an unclean thing, it's always the uncleanness that spreads.  The clean thing doesn't cleanse the unclean thing.  Rather, the unclean thing contaminates the formerly clean thing (Haggai 2:12-13).

So why would a Jewish person hate and fear touching an unclean thing?  Because he would become unclean himself!  "The garment stained by the flesh" is metaphorically loathsome because it represents contagion...the contagion of sin.

But wait...didn't Jesus touch unclean people, like lepers, without becoming unclean Himself?  Absolutely!  That's because Jesus' cleanness was not merely ceremonial.  He was the perfect, holy Son of God.  So His cleanness can never be lost.  He's the only one who cannot be contaminated.

Photo licensing:  See footnote

And here's where, if we're looking at our Bibles humbly, we recognize that there's no place in the "fear of contamination" for us to be proud. No place for the sneer.  No place for the "holier-than-thou" attitude.  Why?  Because we know we are absolutely contaminable.  We are not God, we're mere mortals.  Other people's sins can influence us to sin.

This is one of many things that the Pharisees (the religious elite of Jesus' day) got all wrong.  They really did think they were better than everybody else, and so they wouldn't touch anything they considered unclean (and they had made their own rules about clean/unclean things, which were even more restrictive than God's law)!  So blind were they to their own uncleanness, that they would order the murder of the sinless Son of God on trumped-up charges in an illegal court proceeding, but during that process, they would refuse to go into the house of an "unclean" Gentile, so that they wouldn't be contaminated and be unable to celebrate the Passover.  They would stand in the Temple without a qualm about their own uncleanness, while declaring that the blood money they had used to pay for Christ's betrayal was too unclean to be put in the Temple coffers. Blind pharisees, indeed!

No, though we must hate uncleanness, it can't be an arrogant hatred if we know we are sinners.

How do we know that the hatred and fear in Jude 1:23 is a humble recognition of our own contaminability?  By comparing it with verses like Gal 6:1, which command us to be gentle with others and careful of ourselves when confronting someone who is caught in sin, "lest we also be tempted."

So what is the point of this verse as I now understand it?  Simply this:  When rubbing elbows with sinners like yourself, who are currently in a really dangerous spot and need spiritual rescue, of course you need to show them mercy!  That's a command.  And of course you're likely to feel a certain revulsion if the sin offends you...but be revolted at the sin only.  Love the person and show mercy to him despite those feelings!  Don't let those feelings stop you from showing mercy!  And be humbly aware that you're in the same boat with this guy.  Unless you're God (and you're not), sin is contagious to you! You can easily be tempted and fall into the very same sin that you're trying to help him escape.  So you must be gentle with him, and fearful of your own sinfulness...not rudely condescending to him and fearful of his sinfulness.  No plugging your nose here.

This verse is a call to be like Christ, and to bring people to Christ, the only one who gently, lovingly touches sinners like us and makes us clean.

Sinners like us.

This is a beautiful verse.

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Footnote:  I was unable to find licensing information for these photos.  Please contact me in the comments section if you own the rights to either photo and wish to rescind or altar my use of it.

Me? Rejoicing at Wrongdoing?

Pile of stones (Photo credit: Michel.h)

Love your enemies (Matt 5:44)

Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing.  (1 Co. 13:6)

You, good Christian, are certainly not someone who rejoices at wrongdoing, right?  Same here.

Why, we hate wrongdoing!  We prove it every chance we get!  We are so diligent about jumping on every sin we hear about in public figures, and personally lambasting the offenders on Facebook or wherever else we can do so.  Nobody could ever deny how much we hate wrongdoing!

Nobody clucks their tongues louder than we do.  Nobody's voice can get more shrill.  Nobody's quicker on the draw with the social media megaphone...and why should we wait for verification of the facts we're spreading?  Why would we hope that the badness might be less bad than we thought, when it feels so good to hate those people?

Why, it's a pure, delicious pleasure to be horrified, offended, and hit that "Share" button with righteous indignation.

Yep.  It shows.  The pleasure, that is.  It shows.

It's called, "Rejoicing in wrongdoing."  We mustn't kid ourselves.  That's exactly what it is.

And love does not do that.

When we do that, we are not loving our enemies.  We are loving their sin, because we love feeling superior.

We love licking our chops and diving in for the kill.

We love being offended at those who we feel are wrongfully offended by us, or by the things we hold dear.

We love hating the haters, mocking the mockers, attacking the attackers.

It feels so good.

And it's eating away at our souls.

C. S. Lewis addresses this better than anybody.

"Suppose one reads a story of filthy atrocities in the paper.  Then suppose that something turns up suggesting that the story might not be quite true, or not quite so bad as it was made out.  Is one's first feeling, 'Thank God, even they aren't quite so bad as that,' or is it a feeling of disappointment, and even a determination to cling to the first story for the sheer pleasure of thinking your enemies as bad as possible?  If it is the second then it is, I am afraid, the first step in a process which, if followed to the end, will make us into devils.  You see, one is beginning to wish that black was a little blacker.  If we give that wish [free rein], later on we shall wish to see grey as black, and then to see white itself as black.  Finally, we shall insist on seeing everything - God and our friends and ourselves included - as bad, and not be able to stop doing it; we shall be fixed forever in a universe of pure hatred."  (From "Mere Christianity.")

Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing.

Christians...you and I who claim to follow Christ...when was the last time we followed Him into praying for those who persecute and mistreat us, or who sin against us in some other way? When was the last time we mourned over our neighbor's sin and wept for his soul, rather than hurrying to click, rejoicing at the chance for a social media scandal?  When was the last time we followed Christ into dying to self for our enemies' sakes?

When was the last time we followed Christ?

Yes, there's a time to speak against what is wrong!  But no, there's never a time to rejoice and prepare to feast on our neighbor's downfall.  Not in this Age of Grace; grace without which we, too, would be damned.

How, with rocks in our hands, will we ever help our enemy believe we follow a merciful, forgiving Savior?  Is that even what we want him to believe?  (It had BETTER be!  But search your heart, really, and I'll search mine.  Because I fear that it's not always our desire.)

As long as we clutch our rocks and rejoice in the throwing, we're utterly, damnably blind to our own corruption.

And we will only be forgiven as we forgive.  (Matt 18:32-35)

We will only receive mercy as we give it.  (Matt 5:7)

We will only receive grace as we are humble.  (James 4:6)

Ever wonder why nobody out there believes we're children of the One True God?

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God."  (Matt 5:9)

May God forgive us for rejoicing in wrongdoing, and failing to love our enemies.

May God forgive me.  Because I know I've been there.  I've done that. But this week an organization which I care about, and for which I meet with others to pray regularly, has been the victim of a viral whirlwind of misinformation and false accusation.  A Christian brother has had his good name smeared all the way up to the level of national news.  The organization has issued a clarifying statement, but somehow it's not forwarded nearly as often as the delightful, beloved, rejoiced-in offense.

These are people for whom I pray.  And praying for them has made me care.  Has made me love them.  Has made me grieve at the delighted stone-throwing that I'm seeing.

Praying produces love.  Make yourself pray for others until you love them...and then you'll pray for them because you want to.

Pray for your enemies.  And join Christ in mourning over the sin that threatens to destroy them, instead of joining the enemy in hurrying their destruction.

And pray for me, that I will do the same.

We don't have a clue how much depends on it, and not just for them, but for us, and for the honor of Christ's Name.

My "Good Fight" For Today...Against Shame

Photo by jfg

The shame comes in waves.

It hasn't been this bad in years.

I'm endlessly re-living, constantly cringing at the memory of yesterday's Stupid Moment.

I literally feel my stomach knot up, every few seconds, as the memory assaults me again.  Often a little grunt or whispered word of distress escapes me.

And, underneath it all, there's the rage.

I can NOT be that stupid!

Well, yes...yes I can.  And, in fact, I was.

But I'm not willing to be.  I can't bear to be.  And on days like today, that means I can't bear to be me.

I used to get haunted by shame all the time, but by the grace of God, it's not nearly so frequent now.  But yesterday's Dumb Moment (which also turned out to be an Expensive Moment) was made worse because it was a semi-public event. (As in, I believe I was probably the laughingstock of the police department's locker room at the end of the day.)

Don't ask.  Just don't.

Coming home last night to face the usual nighttime routine (and the usual nighttime chaos!) of family was hard.  As you know if you've been reading this blog for a while, I'm an escapist by nature.  And all I wanted to do last evening was curl up in a ball in bed.

But God has been working, and I could feel something new inside of me.  A new strength that did not originate with me, but came as a gift of faith.  And again today, when the shame waves started crashing over me, I felt the Holy Spirit coming alongside me, bringing the truths of Scripture to mind from a whole new angle (for me, anyway).

I'm actually kind-of excited about this.

It's funny...yesterday morning, when I wrote the blog entry that I posted this morning, my Big Embarrassing Event hadn't happened yet.  And, when I wrote that post, I really didn't think it had any bearing on my life at the moment.  It was just a thought that had popped out at me from my scheduled reading in Joshua.  But after my Stupid Moment, when I became terrified by the memory of How Dumb I Can Be, I began to hear my own words coming back to remind me that I don't need to be afraid to relive what happened.  And I may even come out of this painful time with some brand new memorial stones to set up.

Isn't God good?

So, what does my "good fight of faith" look like today, when I'm fighting shame?

First of all, let me tell you what it's not.  It's not a fight to improve my self-esteem.

Instead, it's a fight to align myself with the greatest truths of the Christian faith, so I can live in the freedom of the truth (see John 8:32).  That's why it's called "the good fight of faith" (1 Tim 6:11-12).  We're to fight to increase our faith in God, not in ourselves.  It's the fight to walk in the light when the enemy (and our own egos) tell us to run or to arm for war against some human foe.

So, what truths am I loading into my arsenal?

How about this one?  "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven."  That means that I mustn't arrogantly insist that I BE something awesome (instead of being someone capable of really bone-headed moves).  I am to be at peace with my own humanity, NOT because sin and failure are no big deal, but because those things have been bought and paid for by my Savior in whom I have placed my faith.  And so I pray, "Thank You, Lord, that You are teaching me to live humbly with the reality of my shortcomings.  Thank you that the Kingdom is promised to those who are poor in spirit.  Help me to value poverty of spirit, to value humble acceptance of my shortcomings, to value Your kingdom more than my own imagined greatness."

And how about this?  "For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory" (Col 3:3-4).  This speaks to the fact that, as a believer, I was crucified with Christ and raised with Him to a new life.  My life is hidden in God...and that means I can't see it yet.  But I must fight the temptation to find my life in other people's esteem.  My life is not hidden in their approval.  It's hidden with Christ in God.  "Thank You, Lord, that my life is hidden in You, and that I need no longer torture myself with what man thinks of me.  Help me to find my life in You more and more."

Or how about "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say, rejoice!" (Php 4:4).  I am not cruelly called to rejoice in my stupidity, but I am reminded that the Lord is in Heaven, reigning gloriously for the good of all His people (including me).  He knew in advance what I was going to do, and planned to make it work for my good (Rom 8:28).  So I pray, "Lord, help me to rejoice in all that You are for me, rather than raging over what I am not."

The "good fight" also looks like simply staying present when I want to run and hide, not just so I can "be strong" (there's that desire to be awesome again), but because God has promised to make me stand, and because He has work for me to do.

It means remembering (and praying) to be increasingly patient with other flawed people, when their flaws impact me. For we who have been forgiven much are to love much (Luke 7:47), and are to forgive others in return (Matt 18:21-34).


Do you know what began happening last night as I lay in bed and fought the shame with truth?  I began to feel a wonderful feeling of freedom from the fear of man, a fear which Scripture warns us against. It came back with a vengeance this morning, but that just means it's time to fight again.

"For theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven."  I want that.  I do.  It will be worth the fight!

Prompts for Thinking of Others As Better Than Yourself

Photo by Brokenarts

Prompts For Thinking of Others As 

Better Than Yourself

This command from God, to think of others as “better” or “more significant” than ourselves (Php 2:3) is a tough one for me.  Is it for you, too?

“Why should I?” is often my attitude.  And even when I feel like I ought to obey “just because He said so,” I often catch myself feeling like, “Okay, I need to go live in Pretend World so I can think of so-and-so more highly than myself.”  

My attitude is hideous, I know, which is why I rarely even dare to put it into words in my own mind...but that doesn't mean I don't FEEL it.  Is anyone out there willing to assure me that I’m not the only one?

I'm beginning to truly hate the particular brand of Fundamentalism that permeated the South when I was in my formative years.  The Fundamentalism which forgot the fundamentals of Christlike love and humility, in favor of an attitude of arrogant, hateful superiority.  One which taught me that I already KNEW my neighbor and/or my enemy, because I’d seen and heard his caricature lampooned often enough.  One that saw no reason to even try to get to know those on the Outside better.

Him?  Her?  Just one of those.  You know how those are.

Hateful, infamous travesty.  Nothing Christlike about it.  It was a pleasure to cast it aside at last.

But still...I’m to consider all others more important than myself?  Why not just as important?

Well, frankly, I don’t know for sure.  But I DO know that obedience to this command doesn’t involve a trip to Pretend World.  (The One who issued the command doesn’t live there.)  In fact, it involves two of the most real things in the world (unfortunately often counterfeited):  humility and love.

Those are two things that I need to get from the Spirit, because my flesh has precious little of them to go around.

But even though I don’t know why He gave this command, I’m still to obey it.  So I’m trying to think of ways to help myself do that, and (naturally), I’m writing it down here.  Hey, it’s what bloggers do.  

Here’s what I’m hoping to remember when I find myself in a situation that makes it hard for me to think of others more highly than myself (surely there’s one that will fit whatever circumstance it may be):

• This person has a need, and the Lord has given me the ability to share His love in meeting that need.  Kind-of like triage...people with needs are very significant!
• I have a need, and this person could help/is helping.  This is humbling for me, and I honor them for their resources and their help. 
• This person is made in the image of God, but does not yet know her Creator.  Jesus seeks the lost.  He died for the lost!  This person is very significant.
• This person is made in the image of God, and he knows and glorifies his Creator.  What could be more significant?
• This person’s life is a story being written by God.  Right now, my story intersects with his/hers, and I don’t know how much or for how long.  I’d better consider him/her very significant!
• This person wants to share something of herself with me!  What a precious, significant gift!
• God created this person with his unique characteristics, and placed him in this time and place. He must be significant!
• God is generous to the generous.  I am free to meet this person’s needs without fear of being drained dry.  (This has been a BIG fear for me all my life).  And since it’s His plan that we should serve one another so He can bless both recipient and giver, then I’d better do my job and prioritize this person!

Hey, I’m beginning to see a trend!  Writing things down really helps to clarify thoughts, doesn’t it?

Do you see it?

To think of someone as more significant than myself does NOT mean figuring out how much each of us is worth, and then sticking those things on a scale, and somehow making sure that my side of the balance always flies toward the ceiling.

It DOES mean deciding whose significance should have my attention right now.  Whose significance should inform my actions and priorities right now.  

God help me to learn to live this way!

Influence vs. Control

Photo by Stickysen

Yesterday we talked about how not to give up on impossible people.  We discussed our need for meekness, and for a desire to exert influence rather than control over others.  (Of course I'm thinking of the way we interact with older children and with adults.  Naturally, with younger children especially, there are times when control is necessary. Just be sure it's loving, godly control, rather than the ungodly control detailed below.)

What's the difference between ‘influence’ and ‘ungodly control’, and why is one better than the other?  

I’m going to do some comparing and contrasting below, but I want to start with a disclaimer and some encouragement.

First, the disclaimer.  I’m a novice at this.  I’ve been a wanna-be controller my whole life, and the result has been devastating to my life and my witness.  But I’ve caught glimpses of beautiful truths that, since I’ve begun to apply them, are bringing more peace and joy and actual, healthy influence to my life.  So I write these thoughts as a convinced person thirsty for more, not as one who has “arrived.”

Second, the encouragement.  If the standards of “influencer” presented here seem discouragingly impossible, or if you’ve dabbled in this approach and not seen instant results, please read all the way through to the bottom (or skip ahead if you must) for a balancing perspective.

***

Godly Influence - Can only be wielded by one who is, herself, submissive to God.  (1 Co. 11:1)

Ungodly Control - Can be wielded by anyone with the ability to cause pain or pleasure, regardless of her relationship to God.

***

Godly Influence – As the godly influencer humbly submits to God in how she interacts with others, she also cares enough about them to give them wise and loving guidance from her position of peaceful surrender.

Ungodly Control - The controller tries to force others to do her will, and tries to usurp God's role in their lives.

Here's something to think about...can I lead anyone to trust in God and submit to Him if my number one priority is that they submit to ME?  (Yes, when we are in a legitimate place of authority, we should expect those under us to obey.  But what is our top priority when it comes to their obedience?  Who do we see as their ultimate authority?)

***

Godly influence – Is accepted and received by others when the influencer has earned their respect, and when they sense that she honors them, as God commanded (1 Pet 2:17).

Ungodly Control – Is resented by others who sense that the controller does NOT honor them, but rather see them as pawns on her chessboard.

***

Godly influence – Comes from someone who is genuinely concerned for the welfare of others, more than of self (see Php 2:4).  Such a person is not detached, and will truly suffer if the other sins.  Even so, she is more concerned with the other’s well-being than with her own.

Ungodly Control – Comes from someone who may care about others, but is more concerned with self.  Her attitude is, “I have to make you do such-and-such, because I’m so afraid of what will happen to me if things go wrong with you.  If you do what I don’t want you to do, I won’t be able to stand it.  I control you to protect myself.”

***

Godly influence – Comes from a parent who draws her life, peace, hope and joy from God alone, and rests securely in Him.  Such peace is itself hugely influential. Her children will know that their sins grieve her because she loves them.  But they will also see that she has Solid Rock under her feet, and they will want that for themselves.

Ungodly control – Comes from a fearful, distrusting parent who does not draw what she needs from God’s well, but rather tries to get her needs met by others.  She becomes like a leech, trying to suck life out of those around her, and terrified if she can’t make them meet her needs.  Leeching and loving are incompatible opposites, and the recipients of leeching know that they are not loved.  
    Also, the controller’s fearfulness loudly broadcasts to others that, no matter how much the controller claims to advocate trust in God, she herself has no such trust.  Again, such a parent will say, by word or action, “It will kill me if you do such-and-such!”  Her lack of faith in God to sustain her through a child’s sin makes her profession of faith a sham, and gives children no reason to trust in the God that their parent distrusts.

***

Godly influence – Seeks to lead people to the cross where they can be freed from guilt, and teaches them how to live by grace.

Ungodly Control – Uses guilt and fear to dominate others, and pushes them away from the liberating truths of the gospel.  This happens even (perhaps especially) if the oppressor verbally preaches the gospel.

***

Godly influence – Comes from love, and builds love.  The influencer is free to love, because her needs are met by God more than by other people.  When she has a rebellious child, she does not have to withdraw or kick the child out of her life in order to restore peace.  She can love because she draws her peace from God.  The godly influencer is able to be truly kind, to truly love, because she does so without ulterior motives of gaining control.

Ungodly control – Comes from self-centeredness, and inevitably becomes oppressive or even abusive.  Because this controller is not godly, even her kind acts are suspect.  Since they are truly efforts to gain control through the back door, the kindnesses will cease if they don’t work.   

***

Godly influence – Is mostly wielded unconsciously.  The moments of direct guidance may be powerful, but the life of the influencer has even more power, and helps make her guidance believable.  It is fondly remembered by the person being influenced, even after the influencer is gone.  She leads by following Christ, and hopes sincerely that others will come along, encouraging them to do so whenever appropriate.  Whenever someone else follows, it’s because they want what she has, not because she tries to drag them against their will.

Ungodly control – Is mostly deliberate and forceful.  It ceases as soon as the controller isn’t around, and certainly ends with her death.  Even if the controller succeeds in forcing others to follow her, she leads them to the wrong place.  Ironically, she also has an unconscious influence over others, but it is a repellant one.

***

Godly influence – Does not get into power struggles.  She is controlled by God alone, though she is certainly affected by those around her.  Her responses to others are dictated by God, not by those around her.  Because she is God-controlled, she is also self-controlled, and is able to respond to others in truly good and helpful ways.  She does her best to teach and lead others, but trusts God to wrestle with each sinner’s heart, including her own.  She never dreams of seeing herself as anyone’s savior.

Ungodly Control – Not only gets into power struggles, but often loses them.  Why?  Because a child learns early on that his actions dictate the parent’s responses.  The child is actually the one in power in the relationship.  Because the parent MUST maintain control, she MUST fight with the child, and is helpless to avoid any escalation the child brings about.  The parent sees herself as savior, and therefore becomes very dangerous.  To what lengths will a parent not go to save a child’s soul?  (For a tragic example of this danger, see my post about the murder of Lydia Schatz perpetrated by her controlling “Christian” parents.)

***

Godly influence – is forgiving.  This person knows that other people are primarily accountable to God, not to her.  Therefore, she recognizes the biblical truth that all sin is first and foremost against God, and if God forgives, we can and must forgive also.

Ungodly control – Holds grudges.  The controller sees herself as the primary victim when anyone else sins, and so she does not forgive.  If she offers forgiveness, it is only as a power play designed to bring others back to their proper position as she sees it...on their knees before her!

***

Godly influence – Is patient.  The influencer hopes to see others changed for the better, and is delighted if she gets to see it happen.  But she trusts God’s timing and keeps on walking in obedience to Him and love for others, even if she doesn’t immediately (or ever) see the results she was hoping for.  Her desire is to lead, but her goal is to follow.  And because of this, her goal is reachable every day, no matter how others respond. Therefore, she can live at peace and with a sense of fulfillment, even if her desires are not yet met.  Also, she knows that genuine change takes time, but it’s more permanent and real than anything she could have forced in the moment.  

Ungodly control – Needs to see results NOW!  Such a parent will use whatever means necessary to get those results (or what looks good outwardly) right away, regardless of the harm done in the process.  Though God is patient with the parent, the parent is not patient with the child, and so is a hypocrite very reminiscent of the wicked servant in Matt 18:23-34.

***

Godly influence – A person who exudes the kind of godly influence I’ve described will naturally see personal holiness as a great source of joy, because it allows communion with God, who is our joy.  Because this person loves God, she grows in obedience to Him throughout her life.  Her close walk with God and enjoyment of Him is her definition of success.  He is her goal, her dream, her life’s pleasure.

Ungodly control – Will “do things God’s way” as long as it “works” (defined as, “getting me the instant results I covet”).  If God’s ways don’t get the immediate, desired results, this person will abandon His ways and go off on her own, and will genuinely feel that she had no choice.  Or, she will refuse to even try do things God’s way in the first place, because she is convinced (probably rightly) that it won’t enhance her control.  God is not her goal, her dream, her life’s pleasure.  Walking with Him is not success.  Controlling others is everything.  So even when she thinks she’s walking with God because she follows certain rules, she is not really in relationship with Him. To the extent that she finds her life in other people instead of in God, to that extent she is not a person of faith.

***

Do you find this list discouraging?  Please don’t.  

Christ wants you to have a joyful walk of faith with Him.  He wants it so much that He lived a perfect life, died a perfect, sacrificial death, and resurrected to give new life to all who put their trust in Him.  

Confess to Him that you’ve been needing other mere mortals to be your life, but that now you will put your trust in Him as the only true source of life.  Ask Him to forgive you and make you new, to put His Holy Spirit inside of you to start changing you from the inside out.  (Or, if you know that the Holy Spirit already resides in you, ask Him to begin to work on this area in your life.)  

Seek Him first, submit to Him, obey Him no matter what results you see around you.  Walk in love as He loves, as His Spirit makes you able to love unselfishly.

You will find that your godly influence grows as long as you seek Him first, seek loving influence second, and seek ungodly control never.

Confessions of A Not-So-Renewed Mind

Image via Wikipedia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had a lousy attitude on Saturday.

I'll spare you the details.  They aren't pretty.

At one point my children were off on a whining binge about some tragic problem like "not being able to play the exact computer game they wanted to play at the exact moment that they wanted to play it," and I launched into one of my usual "mom sermonettes."  You know the kind, I'm sure.

After a while it occurred to me that I should have listened to myself.  After all, I'm almost(?) always guilty of the same sins that bug me in my kids.  So I began to tell myself some facts that I thought I needed to hear, so that I would be more grateful for what I have.

My voice, preaching to myself in my head.  Who was missing there?

I'm good at "preaching," teaching, writing, lecturing, making points.  But am I the main one I need to be listening to?

How well do I listen to God?  Am I drowning Him out with my own sermonizing?

What's the difference?  If I'm teaching God's word or a truth extrapolated from it, shouldn't I be listening to myself?

My heart balks, because I know the difference. 

You see, I'm very accustomed to the sound of my own voice.  It doesn't impress me, as of course it shouldn't.  There isn't as soul on this planet who should (or does) tremble at "thus saith Betsy."

So when I preach to myself, it tends to be an intellectual exercise which I listen to with a "take-it-or-leave-it" attitude.

Even if what I'm telling myself comes straight from the Word of God, my voice in my head makes it sound like my own thoughts, with the same impact as, "I ought to go change the laundry loads."  It's a good idea, and I'll get around to it, but there's no urgency.

No authority.

Even if I'm deeply impressed by some truth that's struck me, I tend to be more delighted by its genius, more intellectually satisfied by having found a lost puzzle piece, than I am to bow and humbly, wholeheartedly submit.

I've forgotten, "Thus saith the Lord."  The Master.  The King.

I claim Him as my Lord, my Master, my King, and by His incredible grace, that's what He is.  But how seriously do I really take Him?

Rom 12:2 tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.  I've often heard people explain this verse by saying we should control what we think about, as we're instructed in Php 4:8.  And of course that's part of it, a very important part.  But is that all there is?

 Can any mind be called "renewed" which has not bent all of its powers toward obedience?  Does God grant us understanding so we can admire our collection of "truth nuggets" on a shelf?

Who on this planet ever knew more, ever had a more brilliant mind than Jesus Christ, the Creator of all things? 

Who was ever more perfectly obedient?

This kind of thinking scares me to death.  Intellectual pursuits feel so much safer and more comfortable than bent-knee obedience.  One feels powerful.  The other is humbly dependent.

My flesh wants to believe that an un-renewed mind is safer than a renewed one.  Boy, do I want to believe it.

But everything depends on my not believing it.  And that's terrifying.

Whether I like it or not, the fact is that I don't need to preach to myself, convince myself, or lecture myself.

I need to listen to the Holy One with an eager mind that believes, "Whatever He says is right, perfect, and just.  I will obey, no matter what." 

Pray for me.

Receiving and Perceiving

“How we respond to difficulties will determine whether we are a winner or a whiner. One of Satan’s first temptations when our life appears to be on hold like Joseph is to tempt us to live by feelings instead of faith.”
~ Michael Yousse

 

I didn't sleep well again last night.

They tell me that it's normal to start having more insomnia at mid-life.  So maybe I've got a "new normal" to adjust to.

How well will I do that?

If you've hung around this blog long enough, you know that I have a cynical side to my nature.  It's not something I'm proud to admit, but it's definitely there.  One of the ways I tend to show it is by rejecting hope.  Another way is by rejecting happiness.

Sin makes us into such fools, doesn't it?

I am quick to despise whining and resentfulness and ingratitude in others, but tend to cling to those attributes in myself.  Why?

Because true happiness requires humility, at least when life hurts.  So the opposite feelings, resentfulness and ingratitude, spring from pride.  And pride magnifies me in my own eyes while denigrating others.

Picture it this way.  If I make a run-of-the-mill tuna casserole and bring it as a surprise to a beggar on the street, and serve it to him on my own worn and faded dishes, he's likely to be overwhelmed with gratitude and very happy (even if he's not overly fond of tuna).  If I do the same thing for a king, he's going to wonder who in the world I am, who I think I am, what gives me the right to approach him, whether or not I've poisoned the food, and how I could possibly think he in all his majesty would want my casserole on my less-than-royal dishes.

We receive as we perceive.  We are grateful in accordance with what we feel we deserve, compared to what was actually given.

When I have a whiny, resentful attitude toward the hardships in my life, I am telling God that I deserve better.  I am prideful.  I am the personification of Royalty Insulted.

When I gratefully receive what He gives, even when it doesn't look appealing, I am acknowledging to Him that I am a beggar, deserving no royal treatment whatsoever.  And that hurts.

Part of me screams, "I am not a doormat!  If I receive this gratefully, I'll never receive anything better than this!  If I let Him know how displeased I am, maybe He'll do better next time!"

Ouch.

Not only am I prideful, but I'm insulting to Almighty God.  I'm saying I know better than He does what I deserve, and that His gifts are substandard!

No wonder God takes grumbling and complaining and ingratitude so seriously (Deut 28:47-48, Job 40:8, Ps 106:25-26, Php 2:14-15)!

Is the Lord really a miser, giving only the bare minimum, waiting for any excuse to shirk on His generosity, and basing His giving on my willingness to be pleased?

Look at Calvary, Betsy, look at the promises of Heaven, and ask that question again.

Shame on me, oh shame on me!

Lord, please forgive my pride and my insulting attitude of ingratitude.  Thank You that You work all things (including insomnia, the challenges of special needs kids, chronic pain, etc) for my good as I receive them lovingly according to Your purposes (Rom 8:28) .  Help me to trust You that You make no mistakes, that You are generous beyond my wildest dreams, and that Your plans for me are better than I can ever imagine (1 Co 2:9).

If the converted thief on the cross can humbly receive his lot without charging God with wrong (Luke 23:41), if Job can bless the Lord through devastating loss (Job 1:21-22), if Jesus could entrust Himself to the Father in the midst of the most undeserved suffering that history has ever seen (1 Pet 2:23) , then who am I to grumble at life's hardships?

And yet, didn't I just grouse two seconds ago about my computer mouse not cooperating with me, as I'm writing this very post?  Don't I feel impatient with my son who is dawdling upstairs?

Of all the things I need to be grateful for this morning, I think God's patience, forgiveness, and continued work on my behalf (despite my thick-headedness) should be at the top of the list.

Thank you, generous Lord, from one very undeserving beggar!

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Today's quote was provided by Karen at In Love W.I.T.H. Jesus, for this week's "In Other Words" writing meme.  Please drop by her site for links to more entries dealing with this quote.

The sketch is an adaptation of a photograph by Donald Macleod.  I can usually link the artwork directly to the source, but when I use Fotosketcher to adapt the photos, it somehow prevents direct linking, so I must include the credit here.

Heart Check: Prideful Comparisons and Cherished Sins

Image by waynemah via Flickr

What do you do when you realize you still love certain sins?

It’s a vital thing to realize, you know.  We often consider ourselves victims of the sins that we can’t seem to overcome.  And I suppose in some small ways that may be true.  But at the heart of the matter, we’re less victims than we are lovers.

This past Sunday, my pastor pointed my thoughts in a direction that they really needed to go.  He was talking about forgiveness, and how pride interferes with it.  And though many truths from that sermon convicted me, one in particular stood out.

I still hate other people’s sin more than I hate my own.

But surely there’s a good reason why I struggle so much with bitterness!  Other people’s sins against me are so much worse than my sins, aren’t they?

Of course they aren’t.

God’s Word never tells us to compare our sins with anyone else’s.  Did you know that?  In fact, the Bible contains some powerful warnings about making comparisons at all.

For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. (2Co. 10:12)

And of course Jesus warned us about such comparisons in the parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector (Luke 18:10-14).  If we consider ourselves better than other sinners, we’re putting ourselves in deadly peril.

But our proud hearts can even twist Scriptures like these, if we’re not careful.  Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “It isn’t right to make such comparisons, because then I would be focusing on how much better I am than so-and-so, and that would be prideful.”

Focusing on how much better I am?  No, no, absolutely not!  Until we understand that our sins are truly, without question, every bit as evil as our neighbors’ sins, we cannot repent of them as we should.  And we cannot forgive or love our neighbor as we are commanded to do.

If you protest right now that I wouldn’t say these things if I knew your neighbor, then you still don’t get it.

You say that your neighbor commits adultery?  Jesus says that our lustful thoughts are also adultery (Matt. 5:28).  You say that your neighbor was convicted of murder and is now awaiting lethal injection?  Jesus says that the hatred in our hearts is equivalent to murder.  What is awaiting us (Matt. 5:22)?  You say that your neighbor bows and prays to idols every day, or is into witchcraft?  God says that our rebellion is like witchcraft, and our stubbornness is like idolatry (1 Sam. 15:23).

Do you see how easily we deceive ourselves?  How easily we despise the sins we see in others, while we coddle and excuse and even cherish those same sins in our own secret places?  It’s easy to judge outward sins, while ignoring the root of all sins, which reside in our hearts.

What do you do when you discover that you truly love your sinful thoughts and attitudes, and you’re beginning to realize that you’re loving your own destroyer?

I’ll be honest…I’ve been struggling this week.  But it’s a struggle that’s an answer to prayer.  You see, I requested a painful thing from God.

I asked Him to help me to love Him more, and to help me see how horrible my heart-sins really are, so I could hate them as I should.

I won’t participate in “spiritual voyeurism” by going into all of the gory details of my soul, but suffice it to say that God’s answer has been coming in a way that is less than pleasant.

It reminds me of a fascinating verse from the Old Testament.

God left [Hezekiah], to try him, that he might know all that was in his heart.  (2 Ch. 32:31b KJV)

Some translations make it seem that God wanted to know what was in Hezekiah’s heart, but since God knows everything, I’m more inclined to believe it the way the KJV has it.  I think God stepped back and left Hezekiah to his own devices, so that Hezekiah himself would see what was in his own heart.

Has God ever done that to you? 

Spurgeon comments on this verse:

If the grace of God should leave the best Christian, there is enough of sin in his heart to make him the worst of transgressors. If left to yourselves, you who are warmest for Christ would cool down like Laodicea into sickening lukewarmness: you who are sound in the faith would be white with the leprosy of false doctrine; you who now walk before the Lord in excellency and integrity would reel to and fro, and stagger with a drunkenness of evil passion. Like the moon, we borrow our light; bright as we are when grace shines on us, we are darkness itself when the Sun of Righteousness withdraws himself.

There are many times in our lives when we need encouragement more than we need conviction.  But the opposite is also true, and I’m in one of those times when conviction is what I need most.  Not a “guilt trip,” mind you, but a work of God’s Spirit which changes my loves and desires, re-orienting them away from sin and self and towards God.

I wouldn’t have chosen to go through this the way that God is doing it.  I was hoping more for warm fuzzy loving feelings for God to increase, accompanied by a hotter hatred for my sin which would make me recoil from it.  Instead, God seems to be taking the Hezekiah approach, in which He seems to withdraw, and I get a rather nasty view of my spiritual guts.  (I say, “Seems to withdraw” because God never truly withdraws from His children.  Heb. 13:5 assures us of that.)

Why am I even sharing this with you?  If you’re someone who sees me at church on Sunday, you wouldn’t necessarily ever know about this.  It doesn’t “show,” at least not on casual inspection.

(Or maybe it does, and I’m just kidding myself.  I don’t know.)

Anyway, I’m sharing this because I’m certain I’m not the only one who ever goes through such things.  And I’m sharing it because sometimes love just has to be tenacious.  It has to hang on in the absence of feeling. 

I don’t feel warm and fuzzy towards God right now.  And my spiritual guts are ugly.  But God is still good.  He is still worthy.  He is still on His throne.  He is Holy, and righteous, and just and true.  He is the source of all joy, all peace, all hope, all that we need or could ever desire.  He faithfully walks with us through our valleys and brings us back to green pastures beside still waters.

And affirming God’s worth is what this blog is all about.

Can you help me with that goal?  I’d love to read some of your comments about how God has helped you in this area.

 

How to Almost Empty Your Pews

I saw this today in John Piper’s “Desiring God” blog, and I absolutely love it.

What do you think?  Should you suggest this for your church’s next promotional campaign?

Perhaps you should.  What would happen, do you suppose? 

What would happen if, instead of just a catchy poster, this were the reality of life in our society?  What if faithfulness to Christ really did put people at grave risk?

You certainly couldn’t attract those who are looking for their best life now.  Why would they want to emulate the martyrs of old who missed out on God’s blessings of wealth and ease?

You’d never pack your pews with those who come just for the music and the socialization.  Those things can be had more safely elsewhere.

Gone would be the ones who go to church to make business contacts, or who go simply out of habit.

But don’t misunderstand.  The people who stay are not going to be the cream of the crop, humanly speaking (1 Co. 1:26-29).  They won’t be able to boast about their faithfulness.  They’re no better in their flesh than those who leave.  So why would they stay?

I’ll tell you why.  It’s not because of who they are.  It’s because of Who they’ve found.

The ones who stay and the ones who leave will both be looking out for their highest happiness.  It’s just that some believe that the highest happiness is found in human comforts, and some believe it’s found in The God of All Comfort (2 Co. 1:3).

Some believe that money is God, and Jesus is good as long as He gives us money.  Others believe that Jesus is God, and forsake the love of money.

Some pursue godliness as a means of gain (1 Tim. 6:5), and some believe that godliness itself is gain (1 Tim. 6:6).

And once again, the difference between the two is not a matter for boasting.  What right does anyone have to boast about what God has shown them (1 Co. 4:7), especially when He says that He hides things from the wise and reveals them to infants (Matt. 11:25), and chooses foolish nothings to put the wise to shame (1 Co. 1:27)?  God does according to His good pleasure, and if He has allowed His light to shine in our hearts (2 Co. 4:6), how can we boast in that (Rom. 3:27)?  We “foolish nothings” did nothing to deserve it.

So does God have a wonderful plan for His people’s lives?  Of course He does!  And one of those wonderful plans might be the chance to show His worth to a watching world by choosing Him above your own ease, your own comfort, or even your own life’s blood.

Shame on those who proclaim that the worth of Christ is based on His ability to line your path with rose petals and your coffers with gold!  Those who truly honor Him are the ones who consider comfort and wealth to be “dung” compared to the excellence of knowing Him (The word translated “rubbish” in Php. 3:8 is really the word for “dung”)!

Do you know this Jesus, the one who is better than any worldly wealth?  The one who is our eternal life (John 17:3)?  If not, confess to Him that you have loved the things of this world more than Him.  Ask Him to shine His light in your heart and show you His infinite worth.  Ask Him to forgive your sin and turn your heart into one that loves Him supremely.  Acknowledge Him as your King, to whom you owe unquestioning and unconditional loyalty. 

A mere handful of such lovers of God will please Him more than teeming thousands of self-lovers who mouth words of praise on Sunday mornings.

May His glorious worth be preached at any cost, yes, at great cost, even if it does almost empty the pews.  God would rather have a small army that draws its strength from Him, than a large one that relies on its own power (Jdg. 7:2-7).

You and I are nobodies, and we could not earn the privilege of suffering for Him.  But it’s not about us, it’s about Him.  He is the Almighty, Holy, Eternally Glorious One.  He is the wonderful plan for our lives, and He is worth it all!