Announcing a Giveaway!

Vision Forum CD Giveaway

from Joyfully Living for His Glory by chelseyhall@gmail.com (Chelsey)

Here is what is included:

Rebuilding a Culture of Virtuous Boyhood

(Raising Boys to Be Godly Men of Courage)

Why Satan Wants Your Firstborn and What to Do About It

What To Expect from a 12 Year Old

Manly Friendships

George Washington - America's Joshua

Drop by her site for instructions on how to enter this wonderful giveaway!

On The Lighter Side

I've decided to indulge myself and participate in this Blog Party.  I still struggle with putting anything "me-centered" on a God-centered blog, but people really seem to want that sort of thing now and again. 

So please don't run away if you're looking for serious theological thinking.  Just look in the right margin for entry titles or topics that are of interest to you.

On the other hand, if you love the socializing, join in!  The Blog Party is being hosted by Lynette over at Dancing Barefoot on Weathered Ground.  She provides the following "Getting to know you" questions, but you don't have to use them if you'd rather not.  She asks:

1. What is your favorite thing to snack on while you're blogging?

Chocolate chips.  Definitely.

2. What is one thing you wouldn't want to live without?

C'mon, one thing?  Hey, it's my blog, so I can write more than one if I want to.  On the lighter side, I'd say Mountain Dew (yes, I'm still an addict), chocolate, and PEACE AND QUIET!  (I hate noise!)  Oh, and writing, and American Sign Language.  I can't even imagine life without those two.  <Shudder!>

But on a more serious side…it goes without saying that I need the Lord and His Word and His mercy and His grace…and of course my family.  I don't need to say that, right?  But in addition to that, I love the richness of my Christian friendships (both on and off the web).  And I rely heavily on my desktop and PDA Bible programs with commentaries and devotionals. 

Whew, aren't you glad she didn't ask for ten things?  I'd have given you a hundred!

3. Beach, Mountains or Farm? Where would you live if you had a choice?

Near the mountains, but not in them.  (And guess what, that IS where I live!)  The inclement weather gets pretty extreme in the mountain towns around here.  I love the milder weather where I am, and the ability to drive into the splendor in just an hour's time (not to mention enjoying its beauty from right here in town).  My second choice would be a farm, though I'm not up to the physical labor of farm life.  The beach just doesn't give me much of a thrill, except at sunset.  I lived the first 31 years of my life in Florida (all in the Tampa Bay area), and can probably count on two hands the number of times I drove to the beach as an adult.  For one thing, I sunburn WAY too easily.  And I don't like jellyfish.  (I was never stung, but my Mom was, and she said it was awful!)  And I'm not fond of sharks.  Or salt water.  Or crowds.  Or the discomfort of viewing nearly-naked people parading around. 

Nope.  Not a beach person.

4. What's your least favorite chore/household duty?

The more physical work it requires, the less I like it.  Between my very bad back and my sedentary writing lifestyle, I just don't have much stamina.  But I guess, based on looking around at the messes that have lasted the longest, what I hate most is going through stacks of things which require decisions.  You know…papers that need to be sorted and filed or thrown away, and I'm not sure which to do with them…

5. Who do people say you remind them of?

Ummmm…nobody.  I don't know.  Do I remind you of anybody?

6. Prefer parties and socializing or staying at home with the fam?

I'm a dyed-in-the-wool homebody.  I'm becoming much more social in my middle age, but I think I'd go nuts if I didn't have plenty of time just at home.  And I confess, I'm a hermit by nature.  I love to be alone.

7. What's your all time favorite movie?

Gotta be Pride and Prejudice (The Colin Firth version).  I also love The Sound of Music, and Emma (The Gwyneth Paltrow version).  I happen to think one of the most beautiful movies ever made was ruined by constant blasphemy.  It's called "Dear Frankie," and if it weren't for the blasphemy I would easily recommend it as perfect.  Superb acting, characters with richness and depth, flawless cinematography and musical score, a fascinating plot line…why oh why did they have to keep using my Lord's name that way?

8. Do you sleep in your make up or remove it like a good girl every night?

I avoid that dilemma altogether.  I don't wear makeup. 

I don't have anything against makeup.  I just got out of the habit of using it when my kids were smaller and I just didn't have the time or energy for applying it anymore.  Now I just can't be bothered.  There's not much that can be done with this mug anyway.

When I did wear it, I slept in it.  Tsk, tsk.

9. Do you have a hidden talent or a deep desire to learn something that you've never had a chance to learn? What is it?

Not really.  Writing and using Sign Language pretty much fulfill my creative needs.  Writing is how my soul speaks.  Sign Language is how my soul dances.  I just wish I got to Sign with others more often!  I Sign to myself, but that just lacks something somehow…

10. What's one strange thing you're really good at?

Executing a three-point turn in only 6 points. 

When I was a kid, I used to be really good at picking things up off the floor with my toes.

(It's at this point in these "Getting to know you" entries that I start asking, "Is anybody REALLY going to be edified by this?")

11. What first attracted you to your spouse?

The way he put me up on a pedestal.  Hard to resist that, isn't it, ladies?

12. What is something you love to smell?

Gardenias, lilacs, and orange blossoms. Love 'em.  And vanilla, and bakery aromas, and Beef Stroganoff…all right, enough.  I'm starting to salivate.  Hey, I almost got something theological into this entry!  Salivation!

(If you don't get it, never mind.)

13. Tell something about you that you know irritates people.

Oh, there are so many!

When a group of people gets together to do something, I'm not good at just figuring out something that needs to be done, and then coordinating myself with other people.  It always looks magical to me, the way people just seem to know how to work together.  I've learned to say, "Tell me what to do, and I'll be happy to do it.  Just don't expect me to figure it out on my own."

I procrastinate terribly.

I suspect that people sometimes wish I didn't talk so much, especially about myself.  Like I'm doing right now.

I chronically lose too much time reading and writing on the computer.  Er...like I'm doing right now.

I'm scatterbrained.

I could go on and on, but that's one of the things that irritates people about me…

14. When you have extra money (HA!) what's the first thing you think to do with it?

I'm likely to either buy something for my electronic Bible program (a new commentary, etc), or something for my kitchen.  I do cook a lot.

15. Are you a silent laugher or a loud laugher? What makes you laugh the hardest?

Can you picture a donkey braying?

My humor is very verbal in nature.  I'd rather go to the dentist than watch slapstick like The Three Stooges.  The biggest laugh I've had in the last day or so was when my 4- year-old great niece yelled at the dog:  "You are banished forever from my kingdom!  You have smelled the royal feet!"  That is hysterical on so many levels!

16. Where is your favorite place to shop?

Bed, Bath, and Beyond. 

17. What's one thing you'd do more often if you had more time?

Even more writing and Signing.  I'm pathological.  I know.

18. Are you a big spender or frugal?

Frugal.

19. Who is your favorite character of all time (from a movie or book)? (Can't be real)

Dan Jeffries from the book "Dying for Answers."  Gotta love him…I created him to my specs!  (One of the perks of being an author.  You can create the most wonderful people!)

Gerard Butler's character in "Dear Frankie" is way up there on my list, too.  And I really like Captain Picard from "Star Trek, The Next Generation." 

20. Would you want to be famous?

Not really.  I would like to be known and respected in Christian circles…but not like a Beth Moore with all of the traveling and public speaking.  I wouldn't mind the speaking, but all the hassle in airports and the butt-time on airplanes…ugh!

I confess, I do struggle with envy when people talk about getting hundreds of page hits per day on their blogs, while after a year and a half I still rarely see 40 hits in one day.  Partly it's pridefulness (pray for me about that, please), and partly it's a sincere desire to spread what I think is a vital element of God-centeredness in a me-centered world.  Which brings me back full circle and makes me almost feel like I should delete this post…

(You're reading this, so I guess I didn't delete it.  I hope it was worth the time, and I hope you'll take some more time to read other entries which are WAY more important than this one.  Here's a good one to start with.)

Thanks for dropping by!

A Major Update!

Hello everybody! 

I am deviating from my series on Hating Sin so that I can update you on two things: my biopsy results and the new ministry that I hinted at in a recent entry. 

So, drumroll please...my biopsy results are FINE!  Thanks to all of you for your prayers, and to the Lord for His mercy!  God is good all the time, which means He would have been just as good if He had allowed me to have cancer.  Since I'm no better than any other person (and I'm worse than some), I can't possibly say I don't deserve cancer.  Plenty of people better than myself have not only had it, but succumbed to it.  So when I say "mercy," I mean "mercy."  Thank You, Lord.

Now, on to my exciting new ministry opportunity! 

Image via Wikipedia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My church, Discovery Fellowship, is allowing me to use their facility to teach a free Sign Language class!  Is that cool, or what?  So, if you live near me, feel free to come out on Tuesday nights, beginning June 30th, from 7-8pm.  I’ve been working like crazy to prepare a curriculum (still have a long way to go), and searching for ways to provide my students with quality sketches of Signs that they can take home with them.  I can’t use copyrighted artwork, of course, and I’m not teaching straight out of any single text, so I’m having to scrounge up what I can.  I’m also hoping to have some Sign sketches drawn for me since so few are available for free redistribution.  (I can’t draw worth pbbbbbt!)

I think this is going to be a whole lot of fun, and I hope lots of you can come!  There will be a sign-up sheet at church, but if you can’t sign up there, please contact me and let me know you plan on coming.

For those who are curious, I intend to teach ASL (as opposed to any English-based Sign systems), and plan to teach such things as facial grammar, classifiers, etc.  It will all be pretty basic, but hopefully very interesting and enjoyable.

I’m so excited!

Some Blog "Housekeeping"

Ok, I'm overdue.

Quite a while ago now, a dear fellow blogger named Karin gave my blog the above "Fabulous" award. This is quite an honor, and I greatly appreciated it. But I never got around to accepting it (i.e. posting it on my blog), because there's a "catch" - in order to accept the award, I had to post an entry about, "Five things I'm addicted to."

Eek!

Do I really want to 'fess up to that? I confess, it was easier to just keep putting it off until I pretty much forgot about it. I'm so sorry, Karin, I shouldn't have done that!

Well now another dear blogger named Sharlyn has given me the same award! That gave a sharp elbow-jab to my conscience, and so here I am, ready to give you my deep, dark list of addictions.

(Don't run away scared. It's not TOO dark...)

Oh, and I think I should explain how I personally define "addiction." To me, it's an acquired need for something that I wasn't designed by God to need. So, for example, I don't consider oxygen an addiction, even though I am rather dependent upon it (and I'm willing to bet that you are, too). So I won't be listing things like "God" or "The Bible" here, since I was designed to need those and don't consider them "addictions." Just my own quirky way of looking at things...

So here, without further ado, are five things I'm addicted to.

1. The computer. (My husband is nodding his head emphatically as he's reading this, I'm sure!) It's hard not to be addicted to something that can provide SO MUCH at a moment's notice. Dangerous stuff. True, I only go to Christian sites, or to sites that give me news, or sites about the latest great tweaks for...you guessed it...my computer! What could be wrong with that? But of course the problem is spelled T-I-M-E. This electronic box eats my days. It eats my attention and focus. It eats ME. Pray for me.
2. Diet Mountain Dew. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you already know that. I'm doing better, honest! I used to drink a liter a day, but now I don't drink nearly that much. The secret is not buying it. If I have it in the house, I guzzle it. There's no such thing as drinking in moderation if it's in the fridge. But I'm getting better at not walking down that particular aisle in the grocery store. All soda is bad for you, and diet soda is the worst... Pray for me.
   
3. Checking my blog statistics. I want to know how many people are visiting, and where they come from. Who doesn't love the thrill of saying something like, "Wow, I got a hit from Poland today!" The problem is, it's hard not to put too much emphasis on the world's measure of success. The world says, "More is better. A bigger reach means a bigger you." On a day when my blog gets fewer than 20 hits, I feel kinda down about it. On those rare days when I get 40 or more, I feel pretty big in my britches. Oh puh-lease! The truth is, there is but one definition of success...obedience! If I obey the Lord and write what He wants me to write, and only ONE person reads it, then I have succeeded. In fact, if NOBODY read it, I would still have succeeded, because I did what the Lord wanted me to do. I know that...but I still check my stats. A lot. Pray for me.
4. Solitaire. Specifically, computer solitaire. It's nowhere near as bad as it used to be, but I can still go on escapist binges. I suppose that's really just an extension of addiction number 1... Pray for me.
5. Man's approval. (That's "man" as in "humankind," not as in "The male of the species.") I still need this way too much. Yep, pray for me. Please.

Ok, that's my little confessional. You are each individually sworn to strict confidentiality. I would hate for news of this to get out...

Thanks again to Karin and Sharlyn.

Now comes another hard part. I have to choose 5 blogs to pass this along to.

I'm going to try to avoid passing it along to blogs which have already received it, so after scanning through some pages to see if the award is already there, here are the ones I've picked (in no particular order). Each one is an enjoyable blessing in my days:

1. Meditations and Confessions of A Woman Found
   - I really appreciate her humble desire to follow the Lord wherever he leads
2. Dancing Barefoot On Weathered Ground - An incredible blog from a woman who knows suffering in ways most of us will never experience it...and through it all has come to know our Lord in a deep and uplifting way.
3. Reformed SHEology - Challenging, sometimes a bit controversial, but always reflective of heartfelt God-centeredness. Since I embrace Reformed Theology myself, I love anything that feeds my soul with its rich and Biblical views. This site, as the title suggests, specifically looks at Reformed Theology as it relates to women, addressing the beauty of true biblical womanhood in its many facets, including biblical submission. I always come away with a richer desire to find God's ideal for me (which is far removed from what I actually am, I'm afraid.)
4. The Heart of a Pastor's Wife - A spirited and Spirited blog. Lots of good insights here.
5. Writing Canvas - Another God-honoring blog from someone who has come through a few fires, and still has plenty of hot spots to deal with!

Well, there you have it. I hope each of these blogs becomes a blessing to you if you hadn't already discovered them.

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An Atypical Post

I’ve had several people “tag” me (as in saying, “Tag, you’re IT) to participate in a meme called “25 Random Things About Me.” 

I have mixed feelings about doing this, since it’s such a departure from what I normally write.  But this might be a good time to do it, because I just had to take care of some blog-related housekeeping which might affect my outgoing feeds (don’t worry if you don’t know what that means).  The point is, if there’s ever a good time for lighter fare, this might be it.  On the other hand, I don’t want to disappoint those of you who come here looking for something to really chew on.

So here’s a compromise.  I’ll start out by posting links that might be of interest to those who haven’t been with my blog from the beginning.  You know…links to earlier posts you might not have seen.  That way I’ll sort-of get some of the weightier stuff in there, and then I’ll plunge into the lighthearted stuff.  How’s that?

If you’re interested in the topic of false assurance versus the true faith that brings salvation, please check out the series that begins with “Hard Words for Hard Times.”  That introductory entry doesn’t give the full picture of all that the series entails, so if it doesn’t sound like it’s going to be on the topic of false assurance, go ahead and read on anyway.

If you struggle with any difficult or unclear passages in the Bible, you might enjoy seeing some entries that try to work through troublesome texts.  If you click on that link, you will go to a page with all entries on that topic in reverse chronological order, with more than one entry on the page.  Just keep scrolling down.

Click on the following link If you wonder what the Bible really has to say about self-esteem (Part 1 of a series).

If you enjoy fiction, you might like Friday Fiction entries, and if you enjoy poetry/free verse, you can find some of that here.  These two links will also give you access to multiple entries on a single page, requiring you to scroll down to see them all.

There.  Now I feel better.  On to:

25 random things about me.

(I won’t repeat anything that was mentioned in my autobiographical entry.)

1. I love American Sign Language.  Sometimes I talk to myself in it, since I don’t know many people that I can converse with in that most beautiful language.
2. I wrote a Christian novel, a suspenseful crime drama called, “Dying for Answers.”
3. Unfortunately, “Dying for Answers” is out of print, because its publisher turned out to be a less-than-scrupulous operation.  So I’m not exactly a published novelist.  Sigh.
4. I had a heart attack on Thanksgiving Day, 2004.  It was less than a month after my 40th birthday.  No, I’m not overweight, and I’ve never smoked anything in my life.  But I DO have a family history of heart trouble (and a fair amount of stress…)
5. I have Scheuermann’s Kyphosis, which caused me to develop a bad “hunchback” while quite young.  I actually do plan to post something about that sometime.
6. “Betsy” is just my nickname.  My real name is Elizabeth.
7. I like to make faces in convex mirrors.
8. I hardly watch TV at all anymore.
9. I’m really into Bible Prophecy.  One of my favorite websites is Fulfilled Prophecy.
10. My musical tastes pretty much stalled in the 1980’s.
11. I named my cat “Duma” because he’s a rather exotic-looking spotted cat (an Ocicat), and I thought he should have an exotic name.  “Duma” is Swahili for “Cheetah.”
12. If God were to give me a miraculous talent, I’d like it to be the ability to converse fluently in every language on earth.
13. I believe that there’s a good reason why “math” is a 4-letter word.
14. I have absolutely no talent for decorating.
15. I love to listen to a good, thick Scottish accent.
16. I love “Pride and Prejudice” (The Colin Firth version)
    

    Image by elycefeliz via Flickr

    and “Emma” (the Gwyneth Paltrow version).
     

    Cover of Emma (1996)

    
17. I take a rather guilty pleasure in enjoying “Star Trek: The Next Generation.”
18. I have very poor visuo-spatial skills.  I can’t remember where things are in town, even though I’ve lived here for years (except for places that I visit a lot, like church and Wal-Mart).  I’m terrible at remembering what things look like, even things that I see every day.  My sense of direction is so poor that I could get lost inside of a paper bag.
19. I can’t stand seafood.  The sight of a dead fish is more sickening to me than just about anything.  Seriously.  I’ve had the privilege of standing right next to a surgeon and observing surgical procedures (one hemi-laryngectomy and one total laryngectomy with radical neck dissection) without feeling sickened at all, but please don’t show me a dead fish.
20. I was on the TV show “Romper Room” in 1970.  I’m the second from the left.  (Unlike the way “Romper Room” is described in the above link, the WLCY program only kept the same children for a week, so my TV career was quite short.)
21. When I was a child I loved the original “Batman,” the original “Star Trek,” “Adam-12” (the police show), “Lost in Space,” and many more. 
22. I’m a recovering Diet Mountain Dew–aholic.
23. I love my Buxton Organizer purse.
24. I like to put sweet pickle relish in my grilled cheese sandwiches.
25. This last one isn’t really about me, exactly, but looking at old family photos made me think about this.  My mother was once photographed by the famous Tana Hoban, for an advertisement which appeared in Time Magazine, December 5th, 1949.  Such a pretty girl!

And so ends my list.  I enjoyed making this more than I thought I would, and it took a lot longer than I imagined.  I hope you enjoyed it as well.

I know I’m supposed to “tag” specific people to carry on the game, but I don’t want to put anyone on the spot.  So this is a general tagging of anyone out there who’d like to do this.  Why not make your own list of 25 things about yourself?  It’s fun!

There's No Place Like (This) Home!

This entry is way off-topic, but I hope you'll enjoy it. It offers a glimpse...a "tour" if you will...of our zany home. Why am I posting this?

Partly it's because I'm having the spiritual version of "Writer's Block." I simply haven't been able to write anything that felt like the Spirit was involved. And our current theme, tackling such weighty subjects as false assurance, the modern (distorted) gospel, and the problems of the modern church, is simply not something I should attempt without His help. I promise, I'll get back into the series as soon as the Spirit touches my soul and my fingers again. (Your prayers are appreciated!)

Secondly, I just read a delightful entry from Lynette Kraft, called "The Blessings of an Ugly Kitchen." It inspired me to post this little "tour," which I originally wrote as an entry in the FaithWriters Weekly Challenge. So without further ado, here's:

There's No Place Like (This) Home!

Come on in! Don't take off your shoes. We're not fastidious around here.

The rest of the family isn't home right now. If they were, you'd soon discover that one of the main features of our home is NOISE!

My oldest son has Asperger's Syndrome, and he's sometimes hyperactive. He's also unable to monitor and control the loudness of his voice, so everything comes out at deafening volumes. And my second son, who's autistic, can imitate an amazing array of phone sounds. He'll do that endlessly. He's also bipolar, so if he's on either of his extremes, he'll be extra loud. He'll either laugh hysterically about everything while bouncing up and down and trilling with his tongue and flapping his hands, OR he'll scream about everything. We never know how he'll be. We just take him as he comes. Our third son has learned to be loud just to make himself heard above the din. But since they're not here, let's start our tour.

This is my Living Room.

The recliners used to be white. Can you believe we let the sales lady convince us that this fabric was easy to clean? Let me at least throw this blanket over the chair. Yes, I crocheted that myself, thanks.

Ah, you're curious about the writing on the La-Z-Boy. Well, my autistic son is not so much into writing on things now, but years ago no surface was safe. Don't ask me why he decided to write "Shoot Gun" in bright orange marker right next to the lever that makes the chair recline. We've quit trying to figure him out. The writing's been there for years. The stain on the footrest is from some goo-filled toy that the kids threw years ago. It exploded its orange guts everywhere. Did I mention we used to have white carpeting?

Here's the hall and bath.

Don't mind the gazillion scratches on every door frame. The cat likes to jump up as high as he can and then slide down.

Ignore the written cleaning instructions taped to the bathroom wall. The kids certainly do.

This door leads to the basement. I'll open it and show you just one quick view. See the wall at the bottom of the stairs? The huge letters that say "Diet Pepsi, Caffeine Free?" Guess who wrote that. Yep. But we're NOT going down there. You don't want to see the rest.


Here's the Family Room.

We could kick our way through all the toys on the floor, move the junk off of the furniture, and sit down to chat. But why don't we finish the tour first?

In case you're wondering about all the telephones you see around here, well...they're for my autistic son. People sometimes give him their old phones, and he knows every intimate detail of each one. He uses their intercoms to make them ring a lot. It's noisy, but at least they're not hooked to the phone lines.


Here's the kitchen.

I haven't had time to wash the dishes yet, but dinner's in the slow cooker. Bread's in the bread machine, too. Who needs fancy sprays to make the house smell good?

On to the Dining Room.

The china cabinet holds my wedding china and the kids' ceramic creations. Let's see...there's a penguin, a green gnome with his pet rat, an elephant, and a huge blue face.

Now we've come back to the Living Room, so let's go upstairs.

This is the master bedroom and bath.

Nothing of interest here, except for the stamp marks on the wall. Don't be shy...go ahead and read them. They say, "Deposit Only." My husband used to be the treasurer for the Gideons Camp, and our son got a hold of this stamp and decorated our bedroom. That ink doesn't come off of walls very well. Fortunately it came off of the cat after only a couple of days. We weren't sure how the bank would have responded if we'd tried to deposit him.

The only other rooms up here are the kids' bedrooms and bathroom. I'll spare you that part of the tour.

You're right. We don't have a decorating scheme, or a color scheme. On a few exceptionally good days I've actually thought about having schemes. Does that count?

Anyway, this is our home! I'm so glad you could drop by. We've been working hard lately, and the house looks so much better than it used to!

*****

(Yes, it's all true, except that my husband has painted over the "Diet Pepsi" on the wall...)

Friday Fiction: Erasmus and the Ant

Friday Fiction

I originally wrote this fun little piece for the FaithWriters Weekly Challenge, under the topic, "Bridge."

Erasmus and the Ant

When Erasmus Lee Gold
Became eighty years old
He did the day up with rare style.
He got into a plane
With no fear in his brain
And waved his goodbyes with a smile.


Image via Wikipedia

"I told them I'd do it!
I could! I just knew it!
But no one ever believed me.
They said, 'Pops, you're unsound,
Now stay put on the ground!'
But the thought of quitting grieved me."

Through the glass he could see
Oh, so melancholy
His children and all of his grands.
Daughter Sue wiped her tears
Oh, that gal's silly fears!
And the rest stood wringing their hands.

Image via Wikipedia


Soon he zoomed way up high
In the clear, azure sky
With the chute fixed tight to his frame.
His palms felt all sweaty
Like first kissing Betty.
"Next to that leap, this one is tame!"

Now, unseen way below
Crawled a red ant named Joe
An ant of the leaf-cutting kind.
Bit off more than could chew
What on earth should he do?
He was in a horrible bind.

Image via Wikipedia

See, he'd made a fool's bet
And would soon be in debt
If he couldn't haul this load back.
Many leaves of huge size
In his jaws like a vise
Nearly gave him a heart attack!

"That dip once seemed so small,
Before I had to haul
This load that has left me so tired.
Now I can't get across,
And my wager's a loss.
If late, I may even get fired!"

"Oh dear Lord," he prayed, "first,"
I am dying of thirst
And second, it's six forty-eight.
If I'm tardy, my boss
Will get terribly cross
And seven-oh-one is too late!"

Just then, high in the air,
Without even a care,
Erasmus jumped from his safe perch,
So enthralled with the view
That he shouted, "WHOO-HOOO!"
As his parachute caught with a lurch.














Now, aerodynamics,
And fluid mechanics
Did just what they naturally do,
So his false teeth came loose
Thanks to wind and "spit juice"
And flew from his mouth in mid "HOOO."

Once affixed to a crown,
Six teeth now spiraled down
As if they'd never been anchored.
They touched down with a "thud"
Right near Joe, in the mud...
The answer for which he'd hankered!

"Hallelujah" he cried
When the blessing he spied
At just five minutes to seven.
An arch stood, nice and neat,
'Cross the dip near his feet...
A bridge that fell down from Heaven!

Image via Wikipedia

This week's Friday Fiction is being hosted by Patty Wysong and Patterings. Be sure to drop by there for links to more great entries.

(The skydiver photo is from Stock.xchng by janky)

Friday Fiction: A Monkey's An Uncle

Friday Fiction

I originally wrote this piece as an entry in the FaithWriters weekly challenge, under the topic of "Uncle." This week's Friday Fiction is being hosted over at The Surrendered Scribe, so head over there to read the other entries when you're through with mine.

------------------

A Monkey's An Uncle

Matoke finished his third somersault and came to rest in his favorite observation spot. He grabbed a palm branch and waved it a bit, but he didn’t really pay attention to its playful motion. He felt much more interested in The Vipara.

The Vipara came every day. At first they had frightened him, because they often bared their teeth when they looked at him, and sometimes they would jut their forelimbs right in his direction when they did so. It used to make him hide behind his mother, but he was older and braver now. Now he understood that the Transparent Hardness separated him from them. Sometimes he even dared to go right up close to the Transparent Hardness and put his hand on its cool surface, or even to rap on it. The Vipara always rapped back from their side.

Those hairless apes-that-weren’t-apes fascinated him, but Matoke couldn’t sit still for long. Life promised far more fun than he could ever find while plopped on his bottom in the dirt, so he grabbed a thick vine and swung on it. But he never really stopped watching them, even if only out of the corner of his eye. Perhaps he was crazy, but he couldn’t help thinking that THEY actually enjoyed watching HIM.

His preoccupation with them almost cost him, though. He didn’t see the ball of energy hurtling toward him until his arch rival was nearly on top of him.

Matoke leapt off of his vine with a scream. He slapped the ground hard a few times, then threw fistfuls of leaves up in the air.

Kuchekesha had claimed the vine as soon as Matoke abandoned it, and now he grimaced and wagged his head at Matoke’s tantrum.

Matoke screamed again, slapped harder, and threw even more leaves. “Come and get me, Kuchekesha!”

His rival could only take so many challenges. He flung himself down and charged Matoke, barreling into him with a force that sent them both tumbling. They wrestled for a few moments until a flea started to chew on Matoke’s back. He couldn’t reach it, so Kuchekesha found it and ate it for him.

On the other side of the Transparent Hardness, the Vipara made their funny throat sounds and bared their teeth and jutted their forelimbs.

“Why do you think they come and stare at us?” Kuchekesha asked.

“I think they need to learn from us,” Matoke replied. “Babu says they aren’t very smart.” Matoke spotted a flea on his friend’s shoulder and went after it. “What do you suppose happened to all their hair?”

“Why don’t you ask Babu?”

“Why don’t YOU ask Babu? How come you never talk to him?”

“I think he’s a little crazy, but don’t you dare ever tell him I said that!”

“You’re afraid of him!” Matoke taunted.

“Am not!”

“Oh yeah? Then let’s see who gets the closest to him.” Matoke took off running foot-and-knuckle across the ground toward the motionless patriarch in the corner. But despite his bravado, he couldn’t help slowing to a very tentative pace when he got close. Even though he’d talked to Babu before, he wasn’t about to presume upon his good graces.

Kuchekesha followed him, but stayed back a few paces.

Matoke offered his best submissive postures and faces, and finally offered to remove a tick from the old silverback. Babu didn’t reject him, so he dared to speak.

“Babu, I know you have studied the Vipara for all the many years of your life. What do you think happened to their hair?”

“I don’t know.”

Kuchekesha spoke up from behind. “Matoke says you don’t think the Vipara are very smart. Why not?

Babu actually seemed amused. “The others will tell you I’m crazy, but I swear that I have learned to understand much of what they say with their mouths.”

“You think they’re actually communicating?” Matoke asked, wide-eyed.

“Absolutely. And here’s how I know they’re not very smart.” Babu turned to look full at Matoke with a twinkle in his eye.

“They think we’re their uncles!”

Matoke and Kuchekesha howled and rolled with laughter before scampering off to play some tag.

“Do you think Babu’s right?” Kuchekesha asked.

“Well, if he’s wrong, then he’s crazy. If he’s right, then the Vipara are crazy!”

The two playmates charged across boughs and branches, laughing and shouting “Uncle, uncle!”

On the other side of the Transparent Hardness, the Vipara bared their teeth, jutted their forelimbs, and made those funny noises in their throats.



The names in the story were taken from a Swahili-English dictionary. "Matoke" means "Banana." "Kuchekesha" means "Funny." "Babu" means "Grandfather." And "Vipara" (the hairless humans) means "Bald!"

(Photo taken by Betsy Markman at the Denver Zoo, 2003. That's my son, Andrew, in the reflection.)



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