Are You Merciful? Is Your Mercy Biblical?

Art from http://clipart.christiansunite.com/

Mercy is a wonderful quality, commanded by God, demonstrated by Him in its utmost degree, and lauded by humanity.

But like every good thing, mercy can lose its power for good when it's wrested from its Biblical moorings.  So I must ask:

Is your mercy biblical?

There's a certain logic to biblical mercy, and since lots of folks like bullet-points, I'll use them here to show the flow of that logic.

• Basic Tenet of the historical Christian faith:  Christ saves only those who come to Him in faith and repentance.  
• Therefore, merciful Christians want to lead people to repentance and faith in Christ.  And, since they themselves also came to Christ in faith and repentance, and not with any merit of their own, they can (and must) lead others humbly.  Sinner to sinner.
• Therefore, merciful Christians cannot celebrate sin, for salvation is impossible without repentance, and sin cannot be both celebrated and repented of.  "Love does not rejoice in sin" (1 Corinthians 13:6).  The non-biblical "mercy" that celebrates sin may make life more comfortable in some respects, but it merely pads the seats on the Titanic.  The disaster is coming, with inevitably tragic losses to those on board.  The biblically-merciful Christian loves and warns and pleads in the face of sin.  He does not, cannot celebrate it.
• Biblically-merciful Christians know that every sinner's greatest need is the Gospel...the same Gospel that saved his own sinful soul.  While he doesn't hesitate to call any sin "sin," he refuses to make any peripheral sin the focus.  The biblically-merciful Christian learns from the example of the Apostle Paul, who encountered in ancient Corinth a moral atmosphere worse than our own.  And yet Paul was determined to meet that immoral culture with the Gospel alone (1 Co. 2:2).  When some Corinthians repented of their rebellion against God and received the Holy Spirit, then they began to change from the inside-out (See 1 Co. 6:9-11, especially noting v.11).  So the biblically-merciful Christian is Gospel focused.

So please, Christian, check your heart.  

• Are you calling your mercy "biblical" but undercutting others' hope for salvation by hiding their need for repentance?
• Which do you value more:  lost souls or cultural power?  In other words, are you more excited about evangelism, or about "winning our country back"?
• Do you value lost souls more than personal comfort?  Do you grieve for the lost souls in the gay pride parade as they glory in their shame...or do you grieve more for yourself that you have to see it?

May I humbly suggest that, if you and I don't value the souls more than our power and comfort, then we'd better not open our mouths on moral issues until we repent.  We won't be qualified unless we repent, and we'll do the Kingdom and our lost neighbors more harm than good.

A Hidden Danger of Individualism

"Others were tortured, not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection. Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were slain with the sword. They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, tormented— of whom the world was not worthy. They wandered in deserts and mountains, in dens and caves of the earth. And all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive the promise, God having provided something better for us, that they should not be made perfect apart from us." (Heb 11:35b-40)

What might be so precious to God that He might delay the fulfillment of His promises in order to achieve it?  Why would even the faithful martyrs have to die without seeing certain promises fulfilled?

According to the passage above, God has "something better" in mind for all of us; for the Universal Church all through the ages.

"That they should not be made perfect apart from us."

What does that mean?

God has existed eternally as One God in Three Persons, a union that Christians call the Trinity.  Because of His trinitarian nature, He has always known the bliss of perfect love and fellowship.  And He wants us to enjoy that kind of bliss, too.  He's wired it into us to hunger for oneness with each other and with Him...though with our sinful natures, we cannot achieve it very well on this earth.

But God invites us into an ever-growing fellowship with Him and with one another, and He planned our salvation before the foundation of the world so that we could enter into such fellowship at great cost to Himself.  Jesus prayed eloquently that we, the people of His church, would be one, as He and the Father are one (John 17:11).

Do you feel any kinship with the martyrs of old?  Do you consider yourself as part of one body with them?  Do you even feel any kinship with the martyrs of today around the world, our brothers and sisters?  Are you inspired by them as the "great cloud of witnesses" bearing testimony that Christ is worth whatever we lose in this life?

If not, you're probably a modern Western individualist.  And so am I.  And as such, you and I want to see promises fulfilled NOW.  What good is a promise if I don't see it fulfilled in my life!

God says it is "something better for us" if we wait for some of His promises to be fulfilled when we're all together, when the church as one body stands before Him in glory.  A great consummation.  A holy celebration.

Do you believe that?  Do I?

Could it be that the "fellowship of His sufferings" which Paul prized so highly (Php 3:10) is not just fellowship with Christ, but fellowship with all the members of His body who have suffered throughout all time?

Because of our individualistic mindsets, we miss a great source of patience, hope, and fellowship.  We fail to see that some of the promises may wait until after our deaths, but that doesn't make them any less precious.  We may see some promises only from afar; in fact, they may not have earthly fulfillment until multiple generations have come and gone (Heb 11:13).  But unlike the heroes of old, our faith staggers when we don't see fulfillment almost as quickly as we see our meals prepared by our microwaves.  We lose heart and become discouraged because what doesn't happen for me seems worthless to me.

"By faith Joseph, at the end of his life, made mention of the exodus of the Israelites (something which would not happen for nearly 500 years), and gave directions concerning his bones" (Heb 11:22, parenthetical comment added by me).

We can't see past our own noses, much less past our own lifetimes.  "If it's not here in time for ME, it's too late!"

When we begin to get a glimpse of the grand scale of God's design, of His plan, of His Kingdom purposes, it will free us from so much of our impatience and doubt.

"Posterity shall serve him; it shall be told of the Lord to the coming generation; they shall come and proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn, that he has done it."  (Ps. 22:30-31)

Do you have a heart for future generations which you'll never see?  Do I?  Or is it all about us, "right here, right now?"

"And all these, having obtained a good testimony through faith, did not receive the promise, God having provided something better for us, that they should not be made perfect apart from us."

They were made to wait, and it was for our good (both theirs and ours), so that we can one day celebrate together at the fulfillment of all things, in a blissful fellowship like only the Trinity knew before.

It really isn't all about me.  Or about you.  And when we begin to get the long view, may it free us from the tyranny of self.

I want to do chronic pain right this time

"The man with the burden", illustration from John Bunyan's dream story (based on Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress) (p. 18) abridged by James Baldwin (1841-1925) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't want to do chronic pain at all. But since it looks like that's God's will for my life at this time, I don't want to mess it up. I don't want to miss the blessing God has in mind for me in it.

 I've failed to seek His best in my pain plenty of times.  My first battle with chronic pain began when I was eight years old , when spinal deformity began grinding my vertebrae down into the wedge shapes that would result eventually in permanent kyphosis. You can read more about the story here if you like.

 Pain has been a pretty constant companion ever since then, some times worse than others.  And so I learned to study, knit, crochet, and write to my heart's content...sedentary activities which I thoroughly loved and which became my focus.

Activities that caused more pain...or that I feared might cause more pain, became anathema.

In the past several years, thanks to medical interventions of various types for various problems, the pain had become a lot less … until peripheral neuropathy entered the scene. My search for the right medicine continues, as the pain invades more and more of my life.

 But I don't want this to be a depressing article, nor should it be.  You see, I've been reading Jerry Sittser's helpful book, "When God Doesn't Answer Your Prayers." In it I found this mind-blowing, paradigm-shifting quote:

"If we pray for healing, it will be to render better service to God. But if we continue to be sick, we will strive to honor God all the same, 'whether we live or die,' as the apostle Paul put it.  If we pray for a job, it will be to use our position and resources to build his kingdom and not our own. If we can’t find a job, we will use our time and struggles to glorify God. We will put God first in everything."

 That quote stopped me in my tracks. When I pray for healing, is it so that I can render better service to God? I have to admit, it's not. I pray for healing so that I can be free from pain, for no other reason than that I don't like pain. And to be honest, when I imagine my desired pain-free life, it looks like a whole lot more self-indulgence.

After all, that's what my life tends to look like anyway. I have the luxury of being allowed to indulge my appetite for study and for craft work, at the expense of (at the very least) my homemaking.  And I'd like to continue to focus on those things without pain, thank you Lord.

But... "If we pray for healing, it will be to render better service to God."

Last night I bowed out of doing AWANA because my feet and legs hurt so badly.  But I couldn't help wondering, shouldn't I have tried?  What if I had gone and served, despite my pain?  I can think of a limited number of possible outcomes:

• The pain might have increased until it was unbearable, and I might have had to give up and go home.  But I would have known that I had done my best. And, at least for a time, God and others would have been lovingly served.
• The pain might have been lessened or even removed by an act of God's grace, and I would have had a wonderful testimony of His mercy.  And both God and others would have been lovingly served.
• The pain might have stayed the same, or even gotten worse, but I might have felt God strengthening me to endure it, and I would have had joy in that gift of grace.  And yes, God and others would have been lovingly served.

Now don't worry...it's not my intent to say that no one should ever bow out of things because of pain.  Sometimes there's really no choice.  Nor do I mean to imply that God is calloused to our pain, and frowningly expects us to "buck up."  Of course our tender, loving Father cares!

But what if, in His great mercy and wisdom, He has decreed our "thorn in the flesh" to keep us humbly dependent on Him while we, by His grace, pursue Kingdom goals?  What if the "Good works which God prepared in advance for us to do" (Eph 2:10) include works done in pain?

What if God sees that the rewards, joys, and glories that await us in heaven are far more worthy of our pursuit than anything we try to acquire for our own fading, earthly kingdoms? 

The Apostle Paul certainly believed that!

I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. (Romans 8:18)

I know myself, and how I default to comfort, to ease, to pursuing my own interests in my own tiny, self-indulgent world.  Frankly, if I'm not careful, I can easily turn even "serving others" into a self-indulgent pursuit of pharisaical notches in my spiritual belt, rather than as the joyful privilege it truly is. And as soon as serving becomes inconvenient or painful, comfort takes precedence with me, almost every time . 

As a point of doctrine, I believe that the rewards of heaven are infinitely worth whatever we suffer on this earth. But when I take a painfully honest look at how I live, I am forced to conclude that that belief hasn't infiltrated my life. 

Can you relate?  God help us!

 The only way out is to be changed by the Spirit of God into people who truly seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness...and to do that for His sake, not for our own religious pride.  When His Kingdom and righteousness are our true goal and focus, we can honestly pray for healing in order to render better service to God and others … and we can more often find the strength to serve even when the pain persists.

 If you're in the same boat with me, please join me in prayer.  (And yes, this prayer DOES scare me to death...)

 Father, I repent of holding my own comfort up as the ultimate good in my life. Help me to believe all the way to my fingertips, and to the ends of my burning toes, that serving You and others in love is a far greater joy and privilege than the comforts I so doggedly seek.  Help me to have the courage to step out in faith and do as much as You enable me to do; by Your grace rather than by my grit, with joy rather than complaint, and with love rather than a martyr complex. Make me more like Jesus! In Jesus name, amen.

P.S.  Another excellent book that I can't recommend highly enough is Joni Eareckson Tada's "A Place of Healing."  Get it and soak in it if you can!

Prayers For Daydreamers (And Other Mental Escapists)

Photo by Vera Kratochvil        

I confess, I'm a daydreamer.

Okay, to be more honest, I'm an extreme daydreamer.  Or perhaps "pathological" would be a more honest word.

Perhaps you don't daydream...but you DO fill up your mind with other people's imaginations in the form of novels, TV shows, and movies.  Or perhaps you feast your mind on endless video games.  Whatever your mental escape may be, it's probably fine in small doses.

The problem with me was, daydreaming became a drug.  It became Escape.  I never had to "be there" mentally, even if I was there physically.

Do you have a problem with mental escapism?  Perhaps, like me, one of the reasons you find it easy to slip into "escape mode" is that it's hard to see what's wrong with it.  If that describes you, and you really don't feel like you're missing out on anything by excessive escaping, you'll definitely want to prayerfully consider the requests I've written below.

Or, perhaps your form(s) of escapism have become an addiction...as I'm ashamed to admit they have with me. Especially my imagination; my skill at weaving compelling dramas in my head.  It's so much a part of me that I hardly feel like it's optional.  The stories are always there, always waiting, always beckoning, always entertaining, always seeming to fulfill a need.

In fact, our mental escapes are far more responsive than God is.  We've got to wait on the Lord, but entertaining screens are never far away.  We never have to wait for our imagination either.  And how do you walk away from a drug that literally resides inside your head?  There's no passing by the fantasy counter, the way people can choose to pass by the cigarette counter.

But after a while, as Christians, we have to come to terms with the fact that we love and trust our oh-so-available escapes more than we love and trust the God we can't control.

Then what do we do?

Scripture tells us that conquering bad habits by mere force of will doesn't make us righteous before God.  That's the Pharisaical approach, and it only trades the original sin for the greater sin of religious pride.

Romans 8 tells us that we must put sinful deeds to death "by the Spirit."

And how does the Spirit work?  He works by drawing us to read the Scriptures, illuminating it to our minds, helping us love and revere God as revealed in His Word (and to love His word for revealing Him to us), recalling the truth to our minds (especially if we memorized it), teaching us to love what God loves and hate what God hates, and changing our hearts to want to obey Him.  In this way, He turns our hearts onto the right paths.

So I decided to attack the problem of excessive daydreaming with some specifically targeted prayers, ones which help me aim for ways to pursue a joy in Christ that's better than mental escapism.  And I thought I'd share them with you, in case I'm not the only one with this problem.  So without further ado, here are:

Prayers for Daydreamers
(and other mental escapists)

1. Father, instead of daydreaming/mentally escaping today, may I love the Lord my God with all my mind.  If love is spelled "T-I-M-E," then my mind is loving its constant escapes more than I love You.  Help my mind to be set on You and seeking you more and more of the time.

2. Instead of daydreaming/mentally escaping, by Your grace may I obey the command to "Love my neighbor as myself."  Because the fact is, I can't recognize my neighbor's needs or prioritize them in my life if I'm wrapped up in my fantasy world. 

3. Help me to "Walk as as child of light, trying to discern what is pleasing to the Lord" (Eph 5:8-10).  I can't be constantly trying to discern what is pleasing to the Lord in my real circumstances if I'm daydreaming about being in different ones.

4.  Help to obey Your command that says, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men."  Forgive me, Lord, that I used to think this meant "Try not to mind the work by distracting myself with my imagination."  After all, what's heartier than my imagination?  But no, it means putting my heart into the work itself in order to lovingly serve others and willingly obey You in the situation You've actually created for me.  It means "redeeming the time," in my real world.

5.  Spirit, please help me to "In everything give thanks."   Daydreaming prevents me from noticing things to be thankful for, or from even committing to noticing them.

6. Help me to remember that I can't "Behold the Lord and be changed into His image, from one degree of glory to another" (2 Co 3:18) if I'm constantly beholding the contents of my imagination instead.

7.  Help me, Spirit, to obey the command: "You shall meditate on God's Word day and night, that you may be careful to do it."  Ignoring Your Word is the same as disdaining Your commands, Your promises, and Your blessings.  It means not caring whether I obey You or not.

8. Help me to "Pray without ceasing."  I clearly can't do that while mentally escaping into fantasy or video games.

9. Help me to receive the blessings of Truth, such as sanctification (John 17:17) and freedom (John 8:32).  All commands, promises, and blessings related to Truth are blocked by an insistence on living with the mind marinating in what is not true. The blessings of Truth can only be applied to my actual reality, even in all its periodic ugliness.

10. Help me to cooperate with You as You prepare my heart to "Go to Him outside the camp, bearing His reproach" (Heb. 13:13)  In our daydreams we feed our lust for glory, we dream of human accolades, we focus on mastery rather than dependence, and we further unfit our hearts for bearing His reproach.

Can you see how different this is from "white-knuckle fighting" with our sin?  By the Spirit we seek to love God more, to find our joy in God instead of in sin.  He alone makes that possible, because we can't change our hearts ourselves.  But we can and must choose to seek Him, to "fight the good fight" against our tendency to believe the promises of sin more than the promises of God.  We can and must pray and wrestle and repent in the fight for the greatest joy there is...the joy of believing and knowing Him.

When a Disliked Verse Becomes Beautiful

Photo Licensing: See footnote

"Save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh."  (Jude 1:23)

Clearly this verse, when viewed in its context, is talking about doing something good for sinners.  And we can easily recognize that the first part of the verse mirrors the kindness that the angels showed to Lot in Gen 19:16.  But what on earth is that "with fear" and "hating clothes" thing supposed to mean?

I always disliked the latter portion of this verse.  It made me picture a sneering guy in priestly garb, his nostrils flared with disgust while doing whatever charitable deed he felt forced to do.  If this "mercy-giver" had to touch the recipient of his "kindness," he'd do so with as few fingers as possible, and with an expression of nausea on his face.

But whether I like it or not, this verse says, "hate even their clothes."  So I have to be the arrogant jerk described above, because that's what it says, right?

Or is that what it really says?

Thanks in part to the wonderful Biblehub.com website, which allows laymen to study Biblical words in their original languages, I was able to learn that this verse is, in fact, beautiful.  It is a command to walk in humble love and mercy toward others when they sin, knowing that we're sinners ourselves.  But in order to understand that, we have to get a handle on some fundamentals here.  Namely, we must understand:

1.  Why the fear and hatred?
2.  What is the proper spirit of this hatred and fear?
2.  What do the clothes represent?

First of all, it's important to note that "show mercy" is a command, but unlike what I had assumed for years, the word "hating" is not!  (It looks like it could be a command in the English, but in the original Greek it's quite clear that it's not.) "Hating" in this sentence is a simple statement of the emotional condition that you're in while you're being negatively affected by something.  In this case the negative is the idea of "staining" or "contamination."

Okay, but isn't "hating clothes" a weird way to talk about our reaction to sinners?  Not to the First-Century Jewish writer and his audience!  Back in Leviticus 15, the Jews were taught the laws regarding items, including clothing, which were contaminated by contact with an unclean person.  Those items had to be dealt with in ways that sometimes seem drastic to modern readers.  And these laws were deeply ingrained into the Jewish psyche and way of life.

God's reasons for such laws were multifaceted.  He taught the people the basics of quarantining and hygiene, millennia before germ theory ever entered the human mind.  But he also taught them a strong loathing for sin by equating sin with uncleanness.  Don't miss that.  In the Bible, sin is uncleanness.

Back to our verse in Jude.  The hatred here is not primarily for the clothes.  The focus is on the uncleanness.  It's about hating uncleanness so much that you hate even clothes which have become contaminated.  And hatred for uncleanness (sin) is commanded all throughout the Bible.  It's the right thing to feel.

Yes, as distasteful as this fact sounds to modern ears, sin is offensive.  It is offensive to our holy God, and when it affects us, it offends us, too.  If we're honest, we have to admit that the sins we excuse when they're done by us, really bug us when they're done to us.

The Bible makes it clear that we're to hate sin.  And the Bible also makes it clear that it's impossible to truly love our neighbor and remain indifferent to the sin that is destroying his soul.  If our own souls have tasted the sweetness of undeserved mercy and salvation, how can we not hate the sin that destroys our neighbor?  Hating sin is part of loving our neighbor, no matter what the modern mantra of tolerance says.

It's also important to understand that, in Jewish ceremonial laws, when a clean thing comes into contact with an unclean thing, it's always the uncleanness that spreads.  The clean thing doesn't cleanse the unclean thing.  Rather, the unclean thing contaminates the formerly clean thing (Haggai 2:12-13).

So why would a Jewish person hate and fear touching an unclean thing?  Because he would become unclean himself!  "The garment stained by the flesh" is metaphorically loathsome because it represents contagion...the contagion of sin.

But wait...didn't Jesus touch unclean people, like lepers, without becoming unclean Himself?  Absolutely!  That's because Jesus' cleanness was not merely ceremonial.  He was the perfect, holy Son of God.  So His cleanness can never be lost.  He's the only one who cannot be contaminated.

Photo licensing:  See footnote

And here's where, if we're looking at our Bibles humbly, we recognize that there's no place in the "fear of contamination" for us to be proud. No place for the sneer.  No place for the "holier-than-thou" attitude.  Why?  Because we know we are absolutely contaminable.  We are not God, we're mere mortals.  Other people's sins can influence us to sin.

This is one of many things that the Pharisees (the religious elite of Jesus' day) got all wrong.  They really did think they were better than everybody else, and so they wouldn't touch anything they considered unclean (and they had made their own rules about clean/unclean things, which were even more restrictive than God's law)!  So blind were they to their own uncleanness, that they would order the murder of the sinless Son of God on trumped-up charges in an illegal court proceeding, but during that process, they would refuse to go into the house of an "unclean" Gentile, so that they wouldn't be contaminated and be unable to celebrate the Passover.  They would stand in the Temple without a qualm about their own uncleanness, while declaring that the blood money they had used to pay for Christ's betrayal was too unclean to be put in the Temple coffers. Blind pharisees, indeed!

No, though we must hate uncleanness, it can't be an arrogant hatred if we know we are sinners.

How do we know that the hatred and fear in Jude 1:23 is a humble recognition of our own contaminability?  By comparing it with verses like Gal 6:1, which command us to be gentle with others and careful of ourselves when confronting someone who is caught in sin, "lest we also be tempted."

So what is the point of this verse as I now understand it?  Simply this:  When rubbing elbows with sinners like yourself, who are currently in a really dangerous spot and need spiritual rescue, of course you need to show them mercy!  That's a command.  And of course you're likely to feel a certain revulsion if the sin offends you...but be revolted at the sin only.  Love the person and show mercy to him despite those feelings!  Don't let those feelings stop you from showing mercy!  And be humbly aware that you're in the same boat with this guy.  Unless you're God (and you're not), sin is contagious to you! You can easily be tempted and fall into the very same sin that you're trying to help him escape.  So you must be gentle with him, and fearful of your own sinfulness...not rudely condescending to him and fearful of his sinfulness.  No plugging your nose here.

This verse is a call to be like Christ, and to bring people to Christ, the only one who gently, lovingly touches sinners like us and makes us clean.

Sinners like us.

This is a beautiful verse.

------------------------------------------------------

Footnote:  I was unable to find licensing information for these photos.  Please contact me in the comments section if you own the rights to either photo and wish to rescind or altar my use of it.

Me? Rejoicing at Wrongdoing?

Pile of stones (Photo credit: Michel.h)

Love your enemies (Matt 5:44)

Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing.  (1 Co. 13:6)

You, good Christian, are certainly not someone who rejoices at wrongdoing, right?  Same here.

Why, we hate wrongdoing!  We prove it every chance we get!  We are so diligent about jumping on every sin we hear about in public figures, and personally lambasting the offenders on Facebook or wherever else we can do so.  Nobody could ever deny how much we hate wrongdoing!

Nobody clucks their tongues louder than we do.  Nobody's voice can get more shrill.  Nobody's quicker on the draw with the social media megaphone...and why should we wait for verification of the facts we're spreading?  Why would we hope that the badness might be less bad than we thought, when it feels so good to hate those people?

Why, it's a pure, delicious pleasure to be horrified, offended, and hit that "Share" button with righteous indignation.

Yep.  It shows.  The pleasure, that is.  It shows.

It's called, "Rejoicing in wrongdoing."  We mustn't kid ourselves.  That's exactly what it is.

And love does not do that.

When we do that, we are not loving our enemies.  We are loving their sin, because we love feeling superior.

We love licking our chops and diving in for the kill.

We love being offended at those who we feel are wrongfully offended by us, or by the things we hold dear.

We love hating the haters, mocking the mockers, attacking the attackers.

It feels so good.

And it's eating away at our souls.

C. S. Lewis addresses this better than anybody.

"Suppose one reads a story of filthy atrocities in the paper.  Then suppose that something turns up suggesting that the story might not be quite true, or not quite so bad as it was made out.  Is one's first feeling, 'Thank God, even they aren't quite so bad as that,' or is it a feeling of disappointment, and even a determination to cling to the first story for the sheer pleasure of thinking your enemies as bad as possible?  If it is the second then it is, I am afraid, the first step in a process which, if followed to the end, will make us into devils.  You see, one is beginning to wish that black was a little blacker.  If we give that wish [free rein], later on we shall wish to see grey as black, and then to see white itself as black.  Finally, we shall insist on seeing everything - God and our friends and ourselves included - as bad, and not be able to stop doing it; we shall be fixed forever in a universe of pure hatred."  (From "Mere Christianity.")

Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing.

Christians...you and I who claim to follow Christ...when was the last time we followed Him into praying for those who persecute and mistreat us, or who sin against us in some other way? When was the last time we mourned over our neighbor's sin and wept for his soul, rather than hurrying to click, rejoicing at the chance for a social media scandal?  When was the last time we followed Christ into dying to self for our enemies' sakes?

When was the last time we followed Christ?

Yes, there's a time to speak against what is wrong!  But no, there's never a time to rejoice and prepare to feast on our neighbor's downfall.  Not in this Age of Grace; grace without which we, too, would be damned.

How, with rocks in our hands, will we ever help our enemy believe we follow a merciful, forgiving Savior?  Is that even what we want him to believe?  (It had BETTER be!  But search your heart, really, and I'll search mine.  Because I fear that it's not always our desire.)

As long as we clutch our rocks and rejoice in the throwing, we're utterly, damnably blind to our own corruption.

And we will only be forgiven as we forgive.  (Matt 18:32-35)

We will only receive mercy as we give it.  (Matt 5:7)

We will only receive grace as we are humble.  (James 4:6)

Ever wonder why nobody out there believes we're children of the One True God?

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God."  (Matt 5:9)

May God forgive us for rejoicing in wrongdoing, and failing to love our enemies.

May God forgive me.  Because I know I've been there.  I've done that. But this week an organization which I care about, and for which I meet with others to pray regularly, has been the victim of a viral whirlwind of misinformation and false accusation.  A Christian brother has had his good name smeared all the way up to the level of national news.  The organization has issued a clarifying statement, but somehow it's not forwarded nearly as often as the delightful, beloved, rejoiced-in offense.

These are people for whom I pray.  And praying for them has made me care.  Has made me love them.  Has made me grieve at the delighted stone-throwing that I'm seeing.

Praying produces love.  Make yourself pray for others until you love them...and then you'll pray for them because you want to.

Pray for your enemies.  And join Christ in mourning over the sin that threatens to destroy them, instead of joining the enemy in hurrying their destruction.

And pray for me, that I will do the same.

We don't have a clue how much depends on it, and not just for them, but for us, and for the honor of Christ's Name.

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Photo by Loleia

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance,
and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,
and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
                                                                     (Rom 5:1-5 ESV)

I hate to admit it, but to me the Scripture passage above always seemed to start at soaring heights, only to plop down with an ungraceful thud.

I would start out reading words that promised to make all of my life's sufferings worthwhile, promised to make sense of the pain.  Promised to make me dare to hope again...even though for many years I had hated hope with my whole being.

Yes, yes, that's what I want.  I need to know that this agony called life will be worth it all in the end!  So tell me...why won't hope put me to shame?  It always has, you know.  Hope strings you along and then drops you in the dust and grinds your face in the shards of your shattered dreams.  Hope is a cruel trickster, a sadistic torturer who preys on weaklings who are stupid enough to believe its lies.

So tell me...why doesn't hope put me to shame?  

"Because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

*Thud.*

With apologies to Tina Turner, what's love got to do with it?  

Want to confuse an Olympic hopeful?  Tell him to keep sweating and agonizing because...what?  He'll get gold and glory?  No, he'll get God's love poured out in his heart.  He'll look at you like you're nuts.  Love is nice, but that's not what he's suffering for.

Romans 5:5 may be a nice sentiment, Lord, but love isn't what I'm suffering for.  You'll need to do better than that if you want to convince me to hope again.

Let those words simmer in your ears.  "Love isn't what I'm suffering for."

Are you sure?  Maybe it's not your goal for your suffering, but could it be His goal for your suffering?

Love is what Jesus suffered for.  True, He suffered for sin...ours, not His.  But He didn't have to do that.  He could have just annihilated us, or tossed us all into damnation without a backward glance.  It was His love for us that brought Him to Bethlehem, to the dusty streets of Israel, to Calvary, to the grave.

And that journey took Him back into glory, as the firstborn from the dead, followed by all those that He purchased for Himself with His own blood.

Either He was a fool, or love is worth suffering for.

Maybe...just maybe...love is the only thing worth suffering for.

As my prayer life has become increasingly focused on aligning my priorities with His, I'm finding this whole messy "love" business is becoming more central.  And because I'm such a self-centered person, love is something I mostly grieve because of its weakness or even absence in my life.  Only occasionally do I get to rejoice because of how strongly love has poured out of me.

Every sin you and I commit is, at the very least, a failure to love.  Unquestionably, sin is always a failure to love the Lord with all our heart, and soul, and mind, and strength, which is the most important commandment.  And most sins also spring from our failure to love our neighbor as ourselves, which Jesus says is the second most important thing we should do.  And each of these failures harms us and harms those around us.  Sometimes the wounds are deep and lasting.

The more I kneel to pray God's priorities, and the more I see the wounds I cause when I choose my own priorities over God's, the more I find myself pleading for God to fill me with love for Himself and for others.

And suddenly Romans 5:1-5 begins to make sense.

"Hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." 

The words of encouragement won't make any sense until your priorities line up with His.  But when they do, you'll find the encouragement runs deep.  (See Ps 37:4 for another example of this truth...that promises depend on priorities.)

"Lord, I am choosing to hope in Your love for me, and in the outpouring of Your Spirit that will change my heart into a loving one, so that I will love both You and my neighbor as I should.  And I am trusting you that this growth in love will make all of life's sufferings worthwhile."

Prompts for Thinking of Others As Better Than Yourself

Photo by Brokenarts

Prompts For Thinking of Others As 

Better Than Yourself

This command from God, to think of others as “better” or “more significant” than ourselves (Php 2:3) is a tough one for me.  Is it for you, too?

“Why should I?” is often my attitude.  And even when I feel like I ought to obey “just because He said so,” I often catch myself feeling like, “Okay, I need to go live in Pretend World so I can think of so-and-so more highly than myself.”  

My attitude is hideous, I know, which is why I rarely even dare to put it into words in my own mind...but that doesn't mean I don't FEEL it.  Is anyone out there willing to assure me that I’m not the only one?

I'm beginning to truly hate the particular brand of Fundamentalism that permeated the South when I was in my formative years.  The Fundamentalism which forgot the fundamentals of Christlike love and humility, in favor of an attitude of arrogant, hateful superiority.  One which taught me that I already KNEW my neighbor and/or my enemy, because I’d seen and heard his caricature lampooned often enough.  One that saw no reason to even try to get to know those on the Outside better.

Him?  Her?  Just one of those.  You know how those are.

Hateful, infamous travesty.  Nothing Christlike about it.  It was a pleasure to cast it aside at last.

But still...I’m to consider all others more important than myself?  Why not just as important?

Well, frankly, I don’t know for sure.  But I DO know that obedience to this command doesn’t involve a trip to Pretend World.  (The One who issued the command doesn’t live there.)  In fact, it involves two of the most real things in the world (unfortunately often counterfeited):  humility and love.

Those are two things that I need to get from the Spirit, because my flesh has precious little of them to go around.

But even though I don’t know why He gave this command, I’m still to obey it.  So I’m trying to think of ways to help myself do that, and (naturally), I’m writing it down here.  Hey, it’s what bloggers do.  

Here’s what I’m hoping to remember when I find myself in a situation that makes it hard for me to think of others more highly than myself (surely there’s one that will fit whatever circumstance it may be):

• This person has a need, and the Lord has given me the ability to share His love in meeting that need.  Kind-of like triage...people with needs are very significant!
• I have a need, and this person could help/is helping.  This is humbling for me, and I honor them for their resources and their help. 
• This person is made in the image of God, but does not yet know her Creator.  Jesus seeks the lost.  He died for the lost!  This person is very significant.
• This person is made in the image of God, and he knows and glorifies his Creator.  What could be more significant?
• This person’s life is a story being written by God.  Right now, my story intersects with his/hers, and I don’t know how much or for how long.  I’d better consider him/her very significant!
• This person wants to share something of herself with me!  What a precious, significant gift!
• God created this person with his unique characteristics, and placed him in this time and place. He must be significant!
• God is generous to the generous.  I am free to meet this person’s needs without fear of being drained dry.  (This has been a BIG fear for me all my life).  And since it’s His plan that we should serve one another so He can bless both recipient and giver, then I’d better do my job and prioritize this person!

Hey, I’m beginning to see a trend!  Writing things down really helps to clarify thoughts, doesn’t it?

Do you see it?

To think of someone as more significant than myself does NOT mean figuring out how much each of us is worth, and then sticking those things on a scale, and somehow making sure that my side of the balance always flies toward the ceiling.

It DOES mean deciding whose significance should have my attention right now.  Whose significance should inform my actions and priorities right now.  

God help me to learn to live this way!

Selfish Religion Strikes Again

Photo by SheCat

It was one of those mornings when I just didn't feel "connected" to God.  Didn't feel like I had my act together, spiritually.

Uh oh.  Warning bells should be sounding already.

"Didn't have my act together spiritually?"  Who am I kidding?  Are there ever mornings when I DO have my act together spiritually?

Well, ok, maybe it was just a poor choice of words.

Or maybe it really should have clued me in.

The usual morning battle began with its typical frustrations, and I was struggling with my usual surges of frustrated anger.  And so the self-talk began.

"I've been reading all these wonderful grace-based parenting books, but this morning I just can't seem to access all the wonderful, inspired feelings those books gave me.  I don't want to browbeat this child.  I don't want to drive him further away from God.  I don't like how angry I feel.  I don't like the kind of parent I'm being..."

I...me..my...

We often think of Pharisaism as the desire to be one's own savior via one's own righteousness, and that's true.  But Pharisees take it even further.

Pharisees (like me much of the time) don't just want to be our own saviors.  We want to be our own creators.  We like a certain religious "look," and we will orchestrate our behavior to get the "look" that pleases us.

"I don't like the kind of parent I'm being.  I need to be different."

We are determined to create ourselves in the image of what we like about religion.  If we like lots of legalism, we'll make ourselves strict legalists.  If we've decided we like grace, then we'll make ourselves gracious.

Except, of course, that grace is something we can't create.  We can only receive it and pass it along.  And we cannot receive it if we're too busy trying to create it ourselves.

So there I stood, frustrated and angry, looking at my child with my physical eyes, but looking at me-me-me with the eyes of my heart.  My feelings were quickly teetering towards the old familiar desperation, because of yet one more self-deception that we Pharisees labor under.  We stagger, crushed under the lie that we are to be our children's saviors.  We have to create ourselves into the religious image we believe is best, so that we can save our children.

No wonder we get so ugly and hateful and mean, when we're carrying such a heavy burden that we were never designed to carry, one we know we can't bear.  One that is crushing the very breath out of us.

There's only one way out of this kind of tailspin.

It's called Love.

And love, my friends, does not focus on self.  Not even with the best of intentions.

Pharisaism says, "What kind of parent do I need to be?"  It feels either arrogance, anger, or a terrified squeezing in the chest.  Because it's all about me.

Love says, "What kind of love and grace does this child need?  Father, what would you like to give him?  Savior, show Yourself to him."  Love may ask the child, "What do you need?  How can I help you?  How can I serve you?"  (Notice the "I" isn't gone...it's just not central.  It's not creator, savior, or controller.)

Love lives in a wide place, where the air flows freely and breathing is easier.  It throws off the claustrophobic self-absorption of Pharisaism, and the weight that we cannot bear.

Pharisaism seeks iron-clad control.  Love seeks to give itself away and, in the process, it hopes to influence in healthy ways.

The difference is profound.

Oh, love still hurts. Sometimes it hurts a lot. But it hurts in the right ways, ways that our Lord has promised to comfort. And because love knows that God stands supreme, that Christ has poured out His love in our hearts (both for our sake and for giving away to others), love can relax.  Love knows that it acts as a conduit rather than as a self-sufficient creator.

And love has the power to transform us in ways that are far deeper and more real than any of our attempts at self-creation.  Don't you think I was a different mother this morning, the moment I stopped critiquing my performance and started simply loving my child?  Of course I was...and yet that's not the best thing that happened this morning.

The best thing that happened was that my child and I experienced some of God's love and grace, in ways that honored the Lord.  My joy is not primarily that I became something I can feel good about, but that the Lord and my "neighbor" (in this case, my child) were loved as they should have been.  True, the "benefits to me" and the "benefits to others" may be two sides of the same coin, but if I focus on the "me" side, the love quickly disappears, and ugly things arise in short order.

It all boils down to this...are we trying to love primarily for our own sakes, or for others' sakes?  If it's primarily for our own sakes, it isn't really love at all, and those on the receiving end of our hypocrisy will see that fact with painful clarity.

A. W. Tozer said it well:

"While we are looking at God 

we do not see ourselves - 

blessed riddance!  

The man who has struggled to purify himself 

and has had nothing but repeated failures 

will experience real relief 

when he stops tinkering with his soul 

and looks away to the perfect One.  

While he looks at Christ, 

the very thing he has so long been trying to do 

will be be getting done within him."

Which is, in fact, what 2 Co. 3:18 is trying to teach us.  (If you're reading the blog in a feed reader, you might want to click through to the actual blog page, where Scripture references appear as live links so you can read them.)

Remember that Jesus said that all the law and the prophets can be summed up in the command to love the Lord our God with all our heart, and soul, and mind, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves (see Matt 22:35-40).  And that kind of love is not something we can work up in our own strength, but as we walk with the Lord, we can rest assured that He will develop that love within us, so we need not be afraid to hope for it (see Rom 5:5).

Love the Lord, abide in His love, and love your neighbor.  As you do these things, the Lord will make you what He wants you to be.

Praying "For Others"...Selfishly?

Photo by adzika

Have you ever caught yourself praying "for others"...selfishly?

Don't get me wrong...there's nothing wrong with anticipating blessing, with desiring God's gifts for oneself.  God has lavishly promised blessings throughout Scripture, and it's good to desire them.  We are creatures of desire, and if we don't desire good, we will desire evil.

Few things could be more harmful to our prayer lives than navel-gazing...searching our prayers for any speck of self-interest and then feeling defeated when we find it there.  Such introspection is, by definition, totally self-centered.  The Enemy of our Souls LOVES to get us into traps like that.

We are commanded to rejoice in God's kindness towards us, and it would be wrong to refuse His kindness, or to receive it with a guilty spirit that is concerned only with our own perceived piety.  We don't want to go there.

But putting that aside, let me ask again...have you ever caught yourself praying for others selfishly?

I caught myself doing that the other morning.  I was wrestling my way through the usual, painfully difficult morning routine with a particular child of mine, and I realized that I was praying "for him" with only one goal in mind.

I want to be done with frustrating mornings like this!

Again...that's not a bad desire.  But it was the only desire behind my prayer that morning.  The child for whom I was supposedly praying was not even in my thoughts except as the source of my frustration.

Ouch.

Am I the only one who is this self-centered?

I'm tempted to say, "I hope not," but then again, the world would be a much better place if everyone else in it loved their neighbors better than I do.

How can I...how can we pray for others unselfishly?

The key is not to try to eliminate all self-interest.  Christian prayer is not like Buddhist meditation.  It is not an attempt to empty oneself of Self.  It is not an endless cycle of subtraction.

Christian prayer prioritizes.  Instead of trying to annihilate Self, it seeks to dethrone Self and bring it to its knees.  It seeks first the Kingdom, understanding full well that other desires (both worthy and unworthy) will be there as well.  Unworthy desires must be repented of, but worthy ones need no repentance.  They need only to be put in their proper places.

But how?

If you've been following this blog over the past several months, you've seen how the Lord has been shaping my prayer life to align it with His priorities, especially those priorities revealed in the "Lord's Prayer" and the Beatitudes.  I continue to be amazed at the power that comes with praying this way...power to submit myself to God and His desires, rather than trying to manipulate Him into giving me my selfish desires.

And yet, as I caught myself doing the other morning, it's possible to pray even these prayers with a selfish spirit.

"Lord, may this child do Your Will the way it's done in Heaven...cheerfully, lovingly, trustingly... because He's driving me nuts!!!"

Of course God wants us to be honest with Him in prayer, so that wasn't a bad way to start.  But if the Holy Spirit hadn't grabbed me and convicted me, it would have been the whole prayer, not just the beginning of it.

Betsy, do you care about this boy, too?

Oh Lord, forgive me.  Yes, of course, but not nearly enough, at least not when I'm frustrated.

And so I prayed the Lord's priorities again, but this time I added, "for (this child's) sake and Your Glory."  I'm not talking about rote words, of course, but once again, aligning my priorities with God's and submitting to Him.  I had already prayed for my own sake.  It was time to move on to bigger things.

Such softening came to my soul!  Frustration gave way to tenderness, and selfishness yielded to love.

Ok, it didn't last long, because I'm such a selfish person.  But I knew I'd hit on something vital, something I would have to return to again and again.

Pray God's priorities not only for your own sake, but also for the sake of others apart from you, and for the glory of God.  Do it deliberately.

It's so basic that it hardly seems like I should have to say it.  And yet I know that I need to be reminded of it, often.  Perhaps you do, too.  So here is a helpful outline.


When I pray for others whose lives rub up against mine, I need to pray about several spheres:

• The sphere of my relationship with God.  I cannot relate to others well if I'm in a state of rebellion myself.
• The sphere of my relationship with that other person
• How I relate to him in terms of God's priorities, for his sake, for my sake, for God's glory.
• How he relates to me (something I cannot control, but can pray for and attempt to influence.  The same is true for all of the prayer points that I pray for others.)
• The sphere of that person's relationship to others apart from myself...for his sake, other people's sakes, and for God's glory.
• The sphere of that person's relationship to God...for his sake and God's glory.

Do you see how love is encouraged when I deliberately choose to pray for others' sakes in our relationship, and even in the spheres of their lives that don't rub up against mine at all?  I can begin to see others as the whole people that they are, not just as the sum total of their impact on my own life.

Of course, in the midst of a rushed and frustrating morning routine, there's rarely time for a thorough, deliberate prayer time.  That's why I find it so vital to pray thoroughly for others all throughout the day, so that when crisis situations arrive, my attitudes and priorities have already been shaped in good ways.  

If my heart has often knelt before God, then in the moment of crisis, my heart can kneel even when I don't have time for thorough prayer.  My "knee jerk" can change.  So can yours, by the grace of God.

And our worlds will be better for it.

Influence vs. Control

Photo by Stickysen

Yesterday we talked about how not to give up on impossible people.  We discussed our need for meekness, and for a desire to exert influence rather than control over others.  (Of course I'm thinking of the way we interact with older children and with adults.  Naturally, with younger children especially, there are times when control is necessary. Just be sure it's loving, godly control, rather than the ungodly control detailed below.)

What's the difference between ‘influence’ and ‘ungodly control’, and why is one better than the other?  

I’m going to do some comparing and contrasting below, but I want to start with a disclaimer and some encouragement.

First, the disclaimer.  I’m a novice at this.  I’ve been a wanna-be controller my whole life, and the result has been devastating to my life and my witness.  But I’ve caught glimpses of beautiful truths that, since I’ve begun to apply them, are bringing more peace and joy and actual, healthy influence to my life.  So I write these thoughts as a convinced person thirsty for more, not as one who has “arrived.”

Second, the encouragement.  If the standards of “influencer” presented here seem discouragingly impossible, or if you’ve dabbled in this approach and not seen instant results, please read all the way through to the bottom (or skip ahead if you must) for a balancing perspective.

***

Godly Influence - Can only be wielded by one who is, herself, submissive to God.  (1 Co. 11:1)

Ungodly Control - Can be wielded by anyone with the ability to cause pain or pleasure, regardless of her relationship to God.

***

Godly Influence – As the godly influencer humbly submits to God in how she interacts with others, she also cares enough about them to give them wise and loving guidance from her position of peaceful surrender.

Ungodly Control - The controller tries to force others to do her will, and tries to usurp God's role in their lives.

Here's something to think about...can I lead anyone to trust in God and submit to Him if my number one priority is that they submit to ME?  (Yes, when we are in a legitimate place of authority, we should expect those under us to obey.  But what is our top priority when it comes to their obedience?  Who do we see as their ultimate authority?)

***

Godly influence – Is accepted and received by others when the influencer has earned their respect, and when they sense that she honors them, as God commanded (1 Pet 2:17).

Ungodly Control – Is resented by others who sense that the controller does NOT honor them, but rather see them as pawns on her chessboard.

***

Godly influence – Comes from someone who is genuinely concerned for the welfare of others, more than of self (see Php 2:4).  Such a person is not detached, and will truly suffer if the other sins.  Even so, she is more concerned with the other’s well-being than with her own.

Ungodly Control – Comes from someone who may care about others, but is more concerned with self.  Her attitude is, “I have to make you do such-and-such, because I’m so afraid of what will happen to me if things go wrong with you.  If you do what I don’t want you to do, I won’t be able to stand it.  I control you to protect myself.”

***

Godly influence – Comes from a parent who draws her life, peace, hope and joy from God alone, and rests securely in Him.  Such peace is itself hugely influential. Her children will know that their sins grieve her because she loves them.  But they will also see that she has Solid Rock under her feet, and they will want that for themselves.

Ungodly control – Comes from a fearful, distrusting parent who does not draw what she needs from God’s well, but rather tries to get her needs met by others.  She becomes like a leech, trying to suck life out of those around her, and terrified if she can’t make them meet her needs.  Leeching and loving are incompatible opposites, and the recipients of leeching know that they are not loved.  
    Also, the controller’s fearfulness loudly broadcasts to others that, no matter how much the controller claims to advocate trust in God, she herself has no such trust.  Again, such a parent will say, by word or action, “It will kill me if you do such-and-such!”  Her lack of faith in God to sustain her through a child’s sin makes her profession of faith a sham, and gives children no reason to trust in the God that their parent distrusts.

***

Godly influence – Seeks to lead people to the cross where they can be freed from guilt, and teaches them how to live by grace.

Ungodly Control – Uses guilt and fear to dominate others, and pushes them away from the liberating truths of the gospel.  This happens even (perhaps especially) if the oppressor verbally preaches the gospel.

***

Godly influence – Comes from love, and builds love.  The influencer is free to love, because her needs are met by God more than by other people.  When she has a rebellious child, she does not have to withdraw or kick the child out of her life in order to restore peace.  She can love because she draws her peace from God.  The godly influencer is able to be truly kind, to truly love, because she does so without ulterior motives of gaining control.

Ungodly control – Comes from self-centeredness, and inevitably becomes oppressive or even abusive.  Because this controller is not godly, even her kind acts are suspect.  Since they are truly efforts to gain control through the back door, the kindnesses will cease if they don’t work.   

***

Godly influence – Is mostly wielded unconsciously.  The moments of direct guidance may be powerful, but the life of the influencer has even more power, and helps make her guidance believable.  It is fondly remembered by the person being influenced, even after the influencer is gone.  She leads by following Christ, and hopes sincerely that others will come along, encouraging them to do so whenever appropriate.  Whenever someone else follows, it’s because they want what she has, not because she tries to drag them against their will.

Ungodly control – Is mostly deliberate and forceful.  It ceases as soon as the controller isn’t around, and certainly ends with her death.  Even if the controller succeeds in forcing others to follow her, she leads them to the wrong place.  Ironically, she also has an unconscious influence over others, but it is a repellant one.

***

Godly influence – Does not get into power struggles.  She is controlled by God alone, though she is certainly affected by those around her.  Her responses to others are dictated by God, not by those around her.  Because she is God-controlled, she is also self-controlled, and is able to respond to others in truly good and helpful ways.  She does her best to teach and lead others, but trusts God to wrestle with each sinner’s heart, including her own.  She never dreams of seeing herself as anyone’s savior.

Ungodly Control – Not only gets into power struggles, but often loses them.  Why?  Because a child learns early on that his actions dictate the parent’s responses.  The child is actually the one in power in the relationship.  Because the parent MUST maintain control, she MUST fight with the child, and is helpless to avoid any escalation the child brings about.  The parent sees herself as savior, and therefore becomes very dangerous.  To what lengths will a parent not go to save a child’s soul?  (For a tragic example of this danger, see my post about the murder of Lydia Schatz perpetrated by her controlling “Christian” parents.)

***

Godly influence – is forgiving.  This person knows that other people are primarily accountable to God, not to her.  Therefore, she recognizes the biblical truth that all sin is first and foremost against God, and if God forgives, we can and must forgive also.

Ungodly control – Holds grudges.  The controller sees herself as the primary victim when anyone else sins, and so she does not forgive.  If she offers forgiveness, it is only as a power play designed to bring others back to their proper position as she sees it...on their knees before her!

***

Godly influence – Is patient.  The influencer hopes to see others changed for the better, and is delighted if she gets to see it happen.  But she trusts God’s timing and keeps on walking in obedience to Him and love for others, even if she doesn’t immediately (or ever) see the results she was hoping for.  Her desire is to lead, but her goal is to follow.  And because of this, her goal is reachable every day, no matter how others respond. Therefore, she can live at peace and with a sense of fulfillment, even if her desires are not yet met.  Also, she knows that genuine change takes time, but it’s more permanent and real than anything she could have forced in the moment.  

Ungodly control – Needs to see results NOW!  Such a parent will use whatever means necessary to get those results (or what looks good outwardly) right away, regardless of the harm done in the process.  Though God is patient with the parent, the parent is not patient with the child, and so is a hypocrite very reminiscent of the wicked servant in Matt 18:23-34.

***

Godly influence – A person who exudes the kind of godly influence I’ve described will naturally see personal holiness as a great source of joy, because it allows communion with God, who is our joy.  Because this person loves God, she grows in obedience to Him throughout her life.  Her close walk with God and enjoyment of Him is her definition of success.  He is her goal, her dream, her life’s pleasure.

Ungodly control – Will “do things God’s way” as long as it “works” (defined as, “getting me the instant results I covet”).  If God’s ways don’t get the immediate, desired results, this person will abandon His ways and go off on her own, and will genuinely feel that she had no choice.  Or, she will refuse to even try do things God’s way in the first place, because she is convinced (probably rightly) that it won’t enhance her control.  God is not her goal, her dream, her life’s pleasure.  Walking with Him is not success.  Controlling others is everything.  So even when she thinks she’s walking with God because she follows certain rules, she is not really in relationship with Him. To the extent that she finds her life in other people instead of in God, to that extent she is not a person of faith.

***

Do you find this list discouraging?  Please don’t.  

Christ wants you to have a joyful walk of faith with Him.  He wants it so much that He lived a perfect life, died a perfect, sacrificial death, and resurrected to give new life to all who put their trust in Him.  

Confess to Him that you’ve been needing other mere mortals to be your life, but that now you will put your trust in Him as the only true source of life.  Ask Him to forgive you and make you new, to put His Holy Spirit inside of you to start changing you from the inside out.  (Or, if you know that the Holy Spirit already resides in you, ask Him to begin to work on this area in your life.)  

Seek Him first, submit to Him, obey Him no matter what results you see around you.  Walk in love as He loves, as His Spirit makes you able to love unselfishly.

You will find that your godly influence grows as long as you seek Him first, seek loving influence second, and seek ungodly control never.